In 1969, the Stonewall riots started a movement where gay men and women refused to be put to shame and ostracized for what others called a “deviant” lifestyle. That lifestyle included anal sex, group sex, sex clubs, S&M and fisting, to name a few. For decades, gay men like me were told that such deviance was wrong, sick and disgusting. But we knew it wasn’t — it was exciting, enjoyable and extremely sexually gratifying. With no possibility of tolerance from the outside world, we sought out safe places to engage in our “deviant” sex and live our lives as best we could. However, the disgust went so deep among many in the heterosexual world that we were harassed and often beaten or killed for it.
Two generations later, all of these demonized sexual activities have become mainstream, printable in major press, and even taught to young people. What changed? Thirty-five years ago, were men getting pegged by their girlfriends and openly discussing it with their friends? Were straight men going into sex shops and buying cock rings to make their package bigger when they walked down the street? Were guys asking their girlfriends to rim them? What about light bondage and S&M? Was it considered deviant in the straight community?
They set a foundation for allowing the development of products that at first were specifically for the gay man or woman.
If I were to ask you how many cock rings were sold from your store 20 years ago to straight men, versus gay men, I suspect you’d say, “Not many.” I have no data to support that claim, but when I look at how many cock rings were on the market 20 years ago, it was clearly not the market it has become today.
The reality for many cities that had “gayborhoods” is that these formerly safe spaces for the LGBT community have now become the heartland of yuppie families. The safe and tolerant environment that gay people created, coupled with the fixer-upper mentality, made these areas cool and fun to live in. Gays have been displaced and although they may have started nesting in nearby areas, there is no longer the same level of need to, since gay men and women can safely move anywhere they want now.
Additionally, there is the demise of cruising as a result of the explosion of online hookup sites, which started in 2001 with the launch of Manhunt.net. Now, there is no need to seek out a gay area for cruising to meet like-minded individuals. Although Match.com was around earlier and I think takes the title of the first online dating site, there was a difference between dating and hooking up at that time. Today, straight sites like Tinder offer the same easy hook-up platform that Grindr created in 2009. Hooking up is no longer considered taboo — it is mainstream and even desirable. Gays led the path to sexual freedom, but more specifically to hooking up frequently without guilt. What continued was a trend of erosion of the differences between the gay and straight sexual worlds, and this led to greater acceptance and exploration of sexual practices.
If I look at what was considered deviant or specifically “gay/lesbian” a few decades ago, and what is now considered acceptable and hetero-approved and mainstream, I would say the hetero world owes the gay and lesbian world a big thank you.
The men and women who took a stand at Stonewall were the first non-visible minority to fight for their sexual beliefs on a newsworthy scale, as these individuals made it clear to the world that what they were naturally driven to do sexually was not going to be suppressed. I say, “Thank you for fighting back and staying true to your desires.” They also set a foundation for allowing the development of products that at first were specifically for the gay man or woman but would eventually become mainstream like cock rings, enemas, large dildos, butt plugs and strap-ons.
Thank you to the early merchants who recognized that opportunity for developing products specifically for the gay man. There was Doc Johnson, which developed a number of products that were very popular among gay men and some of my personal favorites; there was CalExotics, which developed the Colt range of products, as well as a handful of other vendors. When I first saw these products on the shelf, it was a validation that gay men and women needed different products than were being offered in the mainstream at the time. I suspect these adventurous manufacturers didn’t know that most of those specialized products would later become mainstream categories — and in fact, huge revenue-earners. Thank you to these manufacturers for taking the time to understand the needs of gay men and women. However, we also have to remember those gay men and women who went into the shops. They often had to find the products behind a curtain or from behind the counter, as they were not considered “pleasing” to other consumers. These shoppers were brave enough to overcome the shame that followed them when paying at the counter. I doubt anyone feels much shame today about buying a cock ring or a large dildo at an adult store.
This all happened in the last three decades. I look back at my first sex toy company and the development of a douche system that was going to make life a bit easier for the gay man — that was only 18 years ago. However, it immediately sparked a number of other brands to enter the market, and suddenly there was an enema/douche category, and stores created a space for a selection of items. This category has since evolved from being a gay man’s category to being a category for everyone.
This movement has opened a new frontier, and we have a more diverse array of products for the transgender and non-binary communities as well. Some of these sex-toy innovations have even breathed new life into medicalized products.
Today, we still need and want to have stores that appeal to different sexualities and niche interests, because the audience willing to shop at specialized stores is much broader than it was years ago. You will often see heterosexual couples shopping in a “gay”-themed store without any hesitation, and vice versa. Isn’t this wonderful?
So next time you sell a strap-on to a heterosexual couple, you may fairly be wondering if it is for pegging, or for him to wear, or both — and it really does not matter because all of these uses are understood today to be completely acceptable, understandably desirable and without any sexual “labelling” implied.
You can thank the gay men and women who stood up at Stonewall. It was their courage and decades-long fight that got us to where we are. And you can also thank the vendors who made products for the “deviants” of the time. Without these first products on the market and the shoppers for them, we may never have had the selection and acceptance of products available today.
Steve Callow is the inventor, designer and CEO of Florida-based Perfect Fit Brand. Established in 2011, Perfect Fit is the manufacturer of innovative, high-quality and easy-to-use sexual health aids and sex toys for the full gender and sexuality spectrum. Callow founded the company based on the principle that sex toys should not only look and feel great, but must, above all, perform.
