We’ve worked. We’ve battled. We’ve paid our dues and fought to be on top, right? But looking back on all we’ve had to do to get to where we are can take its toll. The problem is, when someone comes along who acts like they want to be where we are, that can trigger thoughts like, "Who do they think they are?" Sometimes someone walks through our doors and we initially breathe a sigh of relief, thinking they are great, an asset … but then something happens. We go from really liking them to being — yes, threatened by them.
Let’s take a look at how this happens. Maybe this go-getter comes up with an idea; they have a passion and seem unrelenting. If we are willing to be perfectly honest with ourselves, they scare us a bit. So, what do we do?
You just might see that collaborating, rather than competing, gives you a new edge that results in a win-win, taking you and your company to the next level.
Many times our ego will jump to the front of the line and become aggressive, dismissive or mocking to this person. Why? What purpose does it serve? For starters, it calms us down. It tames our ego a little, letting us settle back down into our comfort zone, our plans and expectations, our pedestals … and perhaps, our complacency.
How is that going to benefit our company or us? It’s not.
Think about it. On our way to the top, was it difficult? Did we have to deal with roadblocks? With people who stood in our way, trying to keep our ideas from launching? Were there people that our mere presence and ideas, our vision, our gargantuan dreams scared the hell out of, causing them to want to shut us down, hold us back and keep us from realizing and achieving those goals?
If that happened to you, you remember how frustrating it was. Yet that’s exactly what we’re doing if we allow our fears to take over when that new person or idea confronts our edge and makes us cringe a little back into our safety net.
Just like in our personal relationships, we have professional boundaries. We have limitations, through no fault of our own. We were taught what is allowable, what is acceptable and what is too downright crazy to even suggest. It comes with the territory. When we figure out where we stand, our parameters and boundaries, we discover what’s possible.
The problem is, when we were discovering how far we could push our predecessors’ preconceived notions of what "possible" meant, we knew we could surpass it. And we did. We created the new norm while they disappeared into history. Our eyes were gleaming. Our sense of self and confidence was beaming. Our predecessors? Not so much. Their feelings weren’t quite so ecstatic. Rather, they were feeling a bit pushed out of the way. Perhaps they were feeling replaced or small.
This is exactly the fear that boils up in us when the new blood comes in with an amazing idea — an insight or way to expand and do something beyond what we’ve been able to discover or come up with on our own. Them showing up gives us the opportunity to handle this situation one of two ways: We can either welcome the insight, or we can dismiss it. Welcoming it means taking a chance, looking forward, adapting and advancing. Dismissing it means shutting it down, halting it, or denying ourselves the opportunities this new person is offering us.
Sure, we can shoot down that newbie, just like what happened to us, but what benefit will come from that? They can go above our heads, or they can go away. They can find someone somewhere else to listen to their ideas, or they can go out on their own and do it themselves — like we did, making our way up the ladder. Either way, it doesn’t result in a win-win situation, which is the goal.
Think back. What would you have preferred to have happened? For that person to have taken you seriously? To have your ideas listened to and heard, respected and recognized? That’s pretty much what we all want — respect, recognition, appreciation and to be valued.
I recommend you choose the other option. Listen to this newbie. Hear what they have to say. Keep your ears and eyes and mind open to their vision. You just might see that collaborating rather than competing gives you a new edge that results in a win-win, taking you and your company to the next level.
Be the reason someone else gets a hand up on the way to the top — it’ll actually lift you higher rather than causing them to want to pull you down on their way up.
Dr. Lee-Anne Francois-Dornbusch is a transformation and integration specialist. She hosts the podcast "Naturopathic Life and Living."
