Meeting new people and then having a conversation with them isn’t always easy. At times, there is that awkward silence while one or both of you attempt to wrestle your nerves and begin to have a meaningful interaction.
Trust me, we’ve all been there and done that. For the longest time, I considered myself shy. Yes, I know that sounds wild to most people who know me because I literally never shut up. But there was a time in my life when having a deep conversation was nearly impossible for me and awkward silence was my trademark. However, I got past it — and so can you. The benefits this will yield in your life, including your business life, are really significant.
The average person often gets ignored, which is why I conduct a light ‘interview’ at the beginning of every interaction, giving the other person a chance to be the center of attention.
So, here are some simple tips that will help eliminate awkward silences and make you an awesome conversationalist. Let’s break it down into a few simple principles.
BE JOHNNY CARSON
Okay, don’t literally interview people like a talk show host. But whether we’re talking about old-school legends like Carson or more modern interviewers such as Jimmy Fallon, Ashley Graham, Dax Sheppard or Jonathan Van Ness, it’s good to emulate folks who are rocking the podcaster circuit, late-night television and YouTube.
Why? Because one thing I discovered a long time ago was that most people have a favorite topic: themselves. The average person often gets ignored, which is why I conduct a light “interview” at the beginning of every interaction, giving the other person a chance to be the center of attention.
Asking some basic questions about a person’s interests, career, dreams or whatever makes sense in the context of your conversation, and allowing them to open up a bit about themselves, is a good first step towards longer-term engagement. You may not get them to open up on the first ask, but slowly and surely, if you pose questions based on their answers and read cues correctly — some people just don’t feel like sharing, and that’s okay — you’ll soon find that they begin to speak freely about things they’re passionate about. Digitally, this can be tricky in the DMs, but it’s definitely applicable, and even more so at trade shows or get-togethers with other talent.
Once you break that ice and you make the person feel comfortable talking with you, you’ll soon find that you can achieve that relaxed flow of conversation where you’re both sharing. That sets up a good solid base for future interactions.
BE INTERESTED
Express genuine interest with active listening. I try to come in with an open mind and the belief that every person is interesting in some way — especially when you find out what they are passionate about. Sometimes you get lucky and the person has passions similar to your own.
For instance, whenever I’m in a Zoom meeting, if a dog, cat, bird or any other animal walks by in the background, I have no problem stopping the conversation and saying, “O-M-G a puppy!” Pets are wonderful, and I personally love to talk about them. I don’t mind taking that detour because most pet owners love their pets, and it’s a topic that makes them feel good. It’s a great opportunity for connection.
Another thing that unites all of us here is our line of work. Being in the adult industry, you sometimes get into hilarious conversations about some sort of on-the-job happening, and sometimes you swap stories or just have a laugh at something you could never talk about with non-porn people.
BE OPEN
Now that you’ve asked questions, gotten answers and asked follow-up questions based on those answers, you’ve succeeded at getting things off to a great start. So when that person suddenly asks you questions, guess what? You may want to answer them. And you can be open and honest just like you wanted them to be.
Honest answers and honest opinions are what lead to open discussion. If you’re constantly trying to think of an angle or constantly going by a script, you’ll end up with a very unsatisfying conversation. Further, the person you’re talking with will get the sense that you weren’t forthright with them. Remember, 99% of the time, just being yourself is the best policy.
Just be mindful of hot-button issues like politics, religion and the like, as folks may either argue with you, or become turned off and pretend to agree with you while politely finding a way to excuse themselves.
BE POLITE
Very polite! Every once in a while, you’ll be in a conversation with a person you just can’t stand. All I can advise in that situation is to ask them questions, listen to them drone on and pray that you never have to talk to them again. Ride it out. It will be over soon enough, and being polite helps you avoid making an enemy. Even talk show hosts don’t love every conversation they have.
In sum, follow the above advice and even if you don’t get your own show, you should at least become a better conversationalist, leave a good impression, make someone feel listened to and develop a useful skill for business.
Andrew Loyal is the support manager for Loyalfans, an all-inclusive fan club platform. Find him on Twitter @andrewloyalfans and contact social@loyalfans.com for promotional opportunities. Loyalfans can be followed @realloyalfans on both Twitter and Instagram.
