When I submitted the idea for this article, it was originally intended as a joke option among four other real pitches. As luck would have it, though, this is the one they picked. Moral of the story? Jokes sometimes backfire, and you end up tasked with writing an article about exercise.
Presumably the question on everyone’s mind right now is why a decidedly non-fitness expert such as myself is writing an article about fitness. I mean, if you’re like me — and I know some of you are — you drink a giant cup of coffee first thing in the morning, you sit down at the keyboard and then you’re machine-gun typing for the rest of the day. Fitness is not really on the agenda.
The idea of “fitness” sounds like a good idea. Chuck Norris told you it’s a good idea, and you don’t say no to Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is correct.
Here’s the answer: I’m not really writing this article. I’m writing the introduction and the outro, and then I’m going to let a fitness enthusiast fill in the actual workout. Because here’s the thing…
The idea of “fitness” sounds like a good idea. Chuck Norris told you it’s a good idea, and you don’t say no to Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is correct. Fitness is a good idea, but sometimes it’s hard to take advice from Chuck Norris. He’s a professional workout guy and does not have a full-time job that requires so much typing and sitting. It can be difficult to incorporate fitness into a non-Norris lifestyle.
With that said, it is important to stand up and get moving. It’s also not that hard to make this a part of your daily routine. This is why I decided to get some ideas from a genuine fitness person who could give Chuck Norris a run for his money but is also, at the same time, “just like us.”
See, there is someone working for my company, someone who types almost as much as I do, who has an almost contagious addiction to working out. When I asked this super-fit person to give me an office workout to do, besides sharing their amazing enthusiasm to get the world moving, they came up with this workout that requires no equipment, so there are no excuses!
WARM UP
Stand up, feet parallel and hip-width distance apart, with a slight, gentle bend to your knees — no locking out. This is your base position.
March in place for 30 seconds. If you like, when you raise each knee in your march, tap it with the opposite hand.
Come back to base position. Put your hands on your hips and twist gently from side to side, five times on each side.
Come back to base position. Inhale and raise your arms up, fully extended above your head, stretching tall. Exhale and fold forward. Hinge at your hips and bend your knees enough so that you can touch the ground with your hands. Inhale and come all the way back up to standing, arms re-extended to the sky. Do this three times.
Repeat this entire warm up three times.
WORK OUT
Air Squats: Come back to base position. Squat on your exhale, stand on your inhale. Do this 10 times.
Traditional Lunges: Come back to base position. Step back with your right foot, bringing your right knee close to the earth but not smacking down. Bring your right foot back to meet the left. Do the same on the left side. Do each side 10 times. Note: You can step forward for a forward lunge if you prefer that over stepping back for a reverse lunge. Or you can do both! It’s up to you.
Side Lunges: Come back to base position. Step out wider with your right foot, bending into your right knee to whatever depth you like. Step back to center. Do the same on the left side. Do each side 10 times.
Isometric Holds: Press your palms into a wall, fingertips pointing up. Get stable in your feet, with one foot staggered in front of the other, and then press with all your might into the wall for 10, 15, 20 or even 30 seconds — you decide. Make sure you switch your stance and press again from the opposite stance to stay balanced. Repeat each side twice.
Air Jump-Rope: Do tiny, tiny hops for 30 seconds, just high enough for your imaginary jump-rope to pass beneath your feet. You can hop two feet at once or switch your feet from side to side like a boxer. Repeat twice.
COOL DOWN
Lay on your back, scooting your butt close to the wall and extending your legs up the wall. You can drape yourself face-up off the edge of your bed or couch or ottoman. You can even do a handstand against a wall if you are feeling sassy. Why? Because getting the blood out of your legs and back into your brain is the perfect prep for… getting back to work! You can modify your workout circuit in many ways, by holding something in your hands while doing lunges, increasing or decreasing your reps, etc. — but you should ultimately repeat your circuit multiple times a day. It’s up to you; all movement is good and it’s all part of the process.
There you have it, fitness made easy. Well, if not easy, doable, available and over-with-quickly at least. Please do the exercises but do not let me know how it turns out. After all this typing about working out, I need to nap. Or at least sit down, maybe read a book or watch some TV … I wonder if any Chuck Norris movies are on tonight?
Andrew Loyal is the support manager for Loyalfans, an all-inclusive fan club platform. Find him on Twitter @andrewloyalfans and contact social@loyalfans.com for promotional opportunities. Loyalfans can be followed @realloyalfans on both Twitter and Instagram.
