When it comes to BDSM, there’s a huge array of experiences, dynamics and sensations to explore and today we’re going to talk about something a little different: humiliation play. Also referred to as erotic humiliation, a humiliation kink, or a humiliation fetish, humiliation play refers to consensual humiliation in the context of a BDSM scene or a power exchange relationship.
What might humiliation and degradation play look like?
Some forms of sexual humiliation involve consensually forced masturbation, penetration, or orgasm, as well as cuckolding.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind when exploring humiliation play. First and foremost, as with any sexual interaction, consent is crucial. Even in scenes that involve what is referred to as “forced” activities, consent must be part of pre-scene negotiations. Additionally, it’s important to remember that what humiliates one partner might be humorous or completely neutral for another, which means there is potential for almost any activity, but it also means that one must know what will work for their partner before seeking out specific products and tools to use.
To get more familiar with the concept, let’s outline a few key categories that fall under the umbrella of “humiliation play.”
Physical Humiliation: This might involve public shaming or embarrassment by way of wearing specific clothing or engaging in specific tasks. This can incorporate items designed to physically humiliate. It’s also useful to remember that treating a partner like an animal or engaging in certain types of impact play, like face slapping and spanking, also make for effective physical humiliation.
Verbal Humiliation: This is exactly how it sounds; name-calling, insults, mockery, scolding, or belittling language. This could also involve consensually forcing a partner to say things they might not typically utter out loud.
Sexual Humiliation: Some forms of sexual humiliation involve consensually forced masturbation, penetration, or orgasm, as well as cuckolding, which means being “forced” to watch one’s partner engage in sexual activity with someone else.
Always remember, of course, that anything “forced” requires consent and negotiation beforehand in order for it to be considered safe and legal.
Degradation: This involves more extreme forms of humiliation play, including licking or “cleaning” dirty things by mouth, being spit on, receiving golden showers, objectification and more.
Why do people like humiliation and degradation?
Participants often cite a desire to surrender control as a key component to their enjoyment of humiliation and degradation. It’s a common misconception that people who are interested in such play have experienced abuse or suffer from low self-esteem, so please keep that in mind should a customer come in asking for specific kinds of degradation or humiliation gear.
Humiliation may provide participants with a unique thrill that comes from being put in an unfamiliar position, and many report that humiliation play helps them overcome anxieties and limitations in favor of living the moment. How can your shop benefit from understanding humiliation and degradation?
The first step toward supporting your customers’ interest in humiliation and degradation is to help your staff build knowledge and familiarity with these kinks – and the products related to them.
It’s important for retail managers and buyers to understand this, too! These particular kinks can come with some shame, fear of judgment, and lots of misunderstanding or misinformation. A store whose staff members are understanding and knowledgeable not only can help support shoppers in their product search but also make knowledgeable product suggestions.
How can you work with customers who enjoy humiliation and degradation?
Sometimes, these more extreme kinks can be overlooked in retail environments with little to no selection available. An important step for success is stocking the kinds of products people are looking for and learning to connect with shoppers to help make the sale.
When customers are looking for suggestions, it’s important to use clear, non-judgmental communication to help zero in on what they need. Understanding the various iterations of humiliation and degradation play can give you ample opportunity to suggest crossover items, such as powerful wand massagers and a belt for forced orgasm scenes, impact toys for physical humiliation scenes, and restraints for all manner of scenes. The nature of humiliation play is that, depending on the participants, pretty much anything could be humiliating, so assist your customers in exploring what works for them, using your entire sales floor for inspiration.
Humiliation and degradation may not be for everyone but for customers who enjoy it, having a salesperson who understands and respects these kinds of interests can help seal the deal – and create a lasting relationship that translates into repeat sales.
Rebecca Weinberg is the president of XR Brands.
