It was the night before writing an article, when I fell asleep after watching another “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Last thing I remember, was saying “Amen! You have to have self-love!” at the end of the episode, after Ru said, “If you can’t love yourself how the hell are you going to love someone else?” I couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of the depth behind that statement. Why is it so important for us to first love ourselves, before we love someone else, and does that apply in camming as well?
The first of the #GirlsFromStudio20 I talked to about this topic, was Ammy Reyy from Cali, Colombia, who expressed, “I used to think that because my English is not good, I should only show my body and that’s all. Seeing a lot of other Colombian models that are mostly naked and making money, made me think that’s the way to do it, and because I didn’t know English, that it was my only option. I did it for a while, but it felt wrong … I wasn’t happy with it and I hated myself for doing it.
I used to think that men put us in boxes, but it was so not true. I put myself in that box, I was hating myself and I thought that the only thing I could offer to anyone was my body.
“I used to think that men put us in boxes, but it was so not true,” she continued. “I put myself in that box, I was hating myself and I thought that the only thing I could offer to anyone was my body, but nobody ever actually asked me just for that. Then, I began learning English, investing more in myself, loving myself more so I can give myself what I want. Nobody puts you in a box where you don’t want to stay.”
I asked myself if that’s really true, if the problem is our lack of self-love … if that is the reason why we’re not happy sometimes. So I got online and went to one of my good friends from Studio 20, Rebecca000. She got a breast implant a year ago and I had to ask if that was because she wanted it or if it was because she felt she had to do it.
“I’ve been camming for seven years and I had attracted regulars way before the implants came into my life,” she said. “I knew who I was way before the enhancement and I just love big boobs. I used to watch girls with implants and couldn’t wait for the day I got them for myself. It is what it is and I’m not going to apologize for that. I love showing them off now and I love that my members show me that much attention. It’s a confirmation that a lot of us models need, the confirmation that you’re sexy, you’re attractive and that out of that two million girls that are on the site I work on, they consider me the sexiest, the coolest and that they’re attracted by me. I never saw myself as a sex object before nor do I see myself as one now, I love myself so much and I gave myself a breast implant as a gift.”
When it comes to getting the best advice, I always turn to the #GirlsFromStudio20 as they, through their job and passion, learn so much about themselves and about people in general.
I used to think that self-love was equal to being selfish, but it actually has a lot to do with knowing what your value is, who you are and how you position yourself in the world.
A lot of cam girls get in this industry because they need money and feel that camming is a fast way to get to a certain level of income. They don’t always have or take the time to see this job as more than what it can give them money-wise, and that’s when some crack under pressure.
“I never saw my job as degrading, even though people’s judgment sometimes hit me wrong,” Anyssa Bayon told me. “I love feeling sexy and I was made to feel bad about that so many times. I love to show my body, I love to have stockings on and I love it when I know that my body and I have so much power. I’m super short and skinny and seeing how much this little body can turn someone on is a win for me.
“When I tease in my room, I do it because I love being watched, because nothing gives me so much freedom as camming does,” she explained. “I mean, let’s face it … where the hell do I get to shake my ass and feel sexy and get paid for it and not be considered a freak, but in my freak room with my members? I don’t consider myself a product, I consider myself a performer and I love it. When I want to start building connections, I’ll stop teasing and sit my fine ass down and start talking about astrophysics.
“I began to love myself a year ago even though I’ve been in the cam industry for a while now,” Bayon added. “ I always thought I was too skinny, never had the curves and the ‘wow-beauty’ that other girls possess. It’s hard for a skinny girl to feel sexy in the era of the Kardashians, so I had little to no confidence, and this mean look on my face, always ready to throw a sassy comment to anyone who tried to say anything. After a while I realized that the battle was with me, not with my members.
“I thought that I had to look a certain way and that frustrated me,” she said. “Then I got it. They were in my room because they liked my boney ass, because to them I was the sexiest, smartest and most fun. Let me tell you, when you realize you’re beautiful, when you realize your value and you love yourself, phew … nothing can stop you!”
Thinking back to that “RuPaul’s Drag Race” episode, and how inspiring these cam models are, I just have to ask … can I get an “Amen” up in here?
