I’ve been working in the pleasure industry for more than two decades. For a significant chunk of that time, I thought that to be successful in sales, I had to fit a mold. I assumed that selling meant following a formula: say the right things, use the right voice and present myself in a way that was guaranteed to convert. But here’s the thing: when I tried to sell like someone else, it didn’t feel natural. And when it didn’t feel natural, it didn’t work.
If you’ve ever struggled with how to approach customers, engage them in a dialogue and turn that conversation into a sale, you’re not alone. In adult stores, the best-kept secret is this: You don’t have to be someone else to make sales. In fact, the more you are yourself, the better your sales will be.
When you stop trying to sell like someone else, you’ll find that selling, when done authentically, doesn’t feel like selling at all.
Why Authenticity Sells in the Sex Toy Industry
Sexual wellness is a deeply personal space, and consumers can tell when a brand or salesperson is faking it. Whether they’re buying their first vibrator or upgrading their collection, they don’t want a hard sell; they want to feel comfortable, informed and excited about their purchase, about pleasure and the experiences that await them.
In other words: Would you rather buy a sex toy from someone who sounds like a corporate brochure or from someone who makes you feel like you’re having a fun, judgment-free conversation about pleasure?
When people buy sex toys, they are buying the experience you create around it — and the best way to create an experience that resonates is to lean into your natural strengths. This is true of both selling and improvisation, which I have also been doing for a bajillion years. The core principle is the same: Authenticity wins every single time.
Connecting With Your Authentic Style
To figure out your own genuine, personal sales style, start by asking yourself some of these questions. Bonus points if you want to use them as journal prompts!
- What’s my natural way of talking about pleasure and intimacy?
- Am I playful? Educational? Sensual? Blunt and straightforward?
- What makes me feel excited when I talk about sex toys?
As salespeople, we are naturally going to draw primarily on the strengths and approaches that will help us cater to the specific individuals with whom we are engaging. However, I find it helpful to break down some of those styles into different “sales personality” types:
- The Educator: You love getting into the product features, explaining body-safe materials and debunking myths. Lean into product comparisons and in-depth reviews, and share FAQ-style information and tips.
- The Entertainer: You make people laugh and keep things light. Use humor to make sex toys feel fun and approachable. We’re talking about pleasure, after all — it’s easy to have fun here and it often helps put people at ease.
- The Storyteller: You create narratives around pleasure. Share personal anecdotes and customer testimonials, and weave sex toys into real-life experiences.
- The Confidante: You make people feel safe and heard. Frame your language as a judgment-free space where people can ask questions and explore their desires.
The key is not forcing yourself into a style that doesn’t feel natural. If your approach feels good to you, it will feel good to your audience — and that translates into better engagement and sales.
Connection = Conversion
Authenticity builds trust, and trust leads to loyal customers.
In the sex toy space, trust is everything. Many people coming into your store feel nervous or overwhelmed. They want to feel like they’re buying from someone who gets it. They want to interact with someone who is not just pushing a sale, but actually cares about their pleasure.
I’ve seen this firsthand. When I shifted away from just detailing features and prices and instead started engaging in real conversations — answering questions, sharing my own experiences and letting my personality come through — sales naturally followed.
When I talked about why I personally loved a product, those were the moments people paid attention most. Because they weren’t just hearing a pitch — they were hearing why it mattered.
Practical Tips to Sell Sex Toys Authentically
If you’re looking to sell sex toys in a way that feels natural and effective, here are some actionable ways to do it:
- Talk to and with people, not at them: Treat sales like a conversation. Engage, ask questions and listen to what people are looking for instead of just hyping products as if they are one-size-fits-all.
- Use your own voice: If you wouldn’t say something in real life, don’t say it in your sale. Whether you’re playful, educational or direct, your authentic voice will attract the right audience.
- Make it about more than just the product: People don’t just want to know that a toy has a strong motor; they want to know why it’s amazing for their pleasure. Frame your language around the experience rather than just the technical bullet points.
- Educate without overwhelming: Knowledge is power, but too much info can scare people off. Find a balance. Explain key features in a way that’s digestible and fun.
- Engage without pressure: Some people need time before making a purchase. Build relationships with your customers so they feel comfortable returning. They might leave the store empty-handed the first time — but now they know where to go when they are ready to make that special purchase.
When I began working in adult stores more than 20 years ago, a district manager told me that no one would want to talk about sex toys with someone like me — a young woman who was rocking a short, turquoise haircut, lip ring and never dressed for the male gaze. That was over 20 years ago, and only one of us is still in this industry talking to folks about sex toys.
The takeaway: When you’re real, you attract real. When you enjoy what you’re putting out, others will, too. And when you stop trying to sell like someone else, you’ll find that selling, when done authentically, doesn’t feel like selling at all.
Be yourself. Trust your voice. And watch the customers come to you.
Kimberly Scott Faubel ventured into an adult store in 2003, submitted a job application and has never looked back. When she isn’t busy writing, helping stray cats, improvising and cooking, Faubel is the B2B sales director for the brands b-Vibe, The Cowgirl and Le Wand at COTR, Inc.
