For 18 years, Self Serve has been providing a sex-positive space for adult toys and resources to folks in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The story behind its success is all about making connections: connecting with your passion, with your business partner, with your customers, with your staff and with your community.
Co-founders Matie Fricker and Molly Adler developed their dedication to adult retail while both were working at a Boston-area adult retail store called Grand Opening!
The shop means nothing without the people who make it happen.
“I would go into work and think, ‘Oh, this is social change! This is actually helping people be in their bodies in powerful, direct ways,’” Fricker recalls. “I quickly realized that I wanted to have my own store.”
So did Adler, it turned out. Aware of the many challenges involved in starting a business in the adult space, the duo first dedicated a year to strategically researching potential locations.
“We really wanted to come to a community that needed a place like ours,” Fricker says. “We also really wanted to respect the work of the folks who came before us, so it was important to us that we not compete directly with other stores like ours. We found Albuquerque.”
So it was that Fricker and Adler found themselves strategically relocating to Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2006, and opening the doors to Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center on Jan. 1, 2007, in the city’s Nob Hill neighborhood.
Their goal was to create a welcoming, educational space that went beyond traditional adult retail, offering high-quality products, inclusive resources and a sex-positive environment. To that end, the store not only offered adult toys and lingerie, but also ran classes, curated guides for safer sex and emergency contraception — and even provided community resources for people experiencing homelessness.
All of this helped Self Serve quickly become a pillar in the community. In 2008, Fricker and Adler received the Tough Cookie Award from the National Association of Women Business Owners - New Mexico. The store was named Best Sexy Shop for 10 years running by Albuquerque’s Alibi Weekly newspaper, and scored Albuquerque Pride’s Outstanding Retail Store Award.
Before being placed on the shelves for sale to Self Serve’s customers, every product undergoes a rigorous testing process. Since New Mexico is home to plenty of engineers and scientists, Fricker notes, the store’s testing team includes folks with a background in how products work and function.
“We partner with people who already use toys like the ones they are testing,” Fricker says. “We make sure that we’re not sending an air-pulse toy home with somebody who’s never used air-pulse, because that will not result in the most educated feedback.”
Once the testing team is done reviewing prospective items, the Self Serve staff decides which products will be added to the store’s current roster of merchandise. Among the most important criteria in these assessments are streamlined design and functionality.
“With inflation out of control right now, people are being more selective about their purchases,” Fricker says. “When they can tell a toy has been thoughtfully designed, it holds higher value for them.”
Self Serve often shares its testers’ honest feedback with manufacturers, providing constructive criticism.
“It’s hard to make things,” acknowledges Fricker. “It takes a lot of work, money and effort. We see our relationship with manufacturers as being allies, never adversaries.”
Self Serve has overcome various challenges over the years, from zoning issues to vandalism to the COVID-19 pandemic. Yet whenever the business has experienced trouble, Fricker says, the community has rallied around them.
“Every time something terrible happens, like we get broken into or somebody posts something nasty about us on the internet, we are flooded with support,” says Fricker.
Among Self Serve’s cheerleaders are fellow retail proprietors.
“I have a very active Google group with four other shop owners across the country, and we talk every single day,” Fricker says with pride.
Adler left Self Serve in 2014, and is now an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of Sex Therapy New Mexico. Fricker now runs the store solo, with the help of her staff, all of whom are trained to answer questions, offer comprehensive educational resources and guide customers through their sexual journeys with empathy, professionalism and a judgment-free approach.
“The shop means nothing without the people who make it happen,” Fricker affirms. “I’m so thankful to have a dedicated team with me. We collaborate and make decisions together as a team. That also helps me feel less alone and more connected as a small business owner.”
