There are a couple things we all know ring true in the sex toy industry: the couple’s market is lucrative all year-round with an all-time-high during the holidays and people are constantly looking for ways to spice things up — especially in long-term relationships. Esther Perel, author of the groundbreaking book “Mating In Captivity,” uses the formula Attraction + Obstacle = Desire, where arousal thrives in newness and creativity. Perel says it’s natural for lust to fade over time, and while there is a positive side to the safety and ease that can be felt when the chase is over, continuous heightened desire often struggles with habituation.
Add to this the extra challenges that long-term committed partners often face during the holidays, stress from excess travel along with extended family time, may lead to more disconnect in a partnership. The busy days and nights can make it hard to find intimate one-on-one time, as well as the brainpower to find new creative ways to spice things up. So how can couples continue to keep the fire burning during the holidays? This is where you, the retailer, come in.
Don’t be afraid to encourage your staff to give your customers a few tips and tricks, freebies where the info they are sharing doesn’t always come with a sales push.
Sure, you along with any other adult store can sell couple’s products to your customers. However, in this competitive day and age when boutique stores and high-end luxury products are thriving, why not set yourself apart by selling them a product and an experience to remember?
When you offer your customer something that goes far beyond a financial transaction, you are setting yourself up for a repeat customer. They will think of your store if and when they see the success that comes from applying the educational tips your staff shared with them, increasing the chances of them coming back to you the next time they are in the market for a new toy, sexy apparel, or their favorite lube.
So how do you implement this? It’s simple: teach your staff to be more than salespeople during the busy holiday season by offering a mini training where they learn experiential pairings to add to a product purchase so your store becomes a resource that actually has a positive impact on your customer’s [sex] lives. Don’t be afraid to encourage your staff to give your customers a few tips and tricks, freebies where the info they are sharing doesn’t always come with a sales push (think like Santa Claus on “Miracle on 34th Street”).
To get you started and to help those sexy holiday shopping carts overflow like Santa’s gift bag, we created a list of 10 tips to help couples spice things up during the holidays. Feel free to share this list with your staff or even create a list of your own. If you need more ideas, be sure to listen to episode No. 54 — “Creative Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life” — on the Shameless Sex Podcast.
1. Giving-and-receiving nights: We are huge fans of planned giving-and-receiving nights. However, there are a few rules: The giver does not get to receive on the same night that they give. Therefore penetrative sex is off the table (but don’t worry, this will help to build up the suspense for next time). The receiver gets to make two requests for what they’d like to receive, and the giver gets to negotiate what they are willing to give. Make this an opportunity to really pamper your partner with adoration and pleasure. Lavish in what can happen with non-goal-oriented sex.
2. Buy your lover a gift: Some clothing, a piece of jewelry, maybe a new sparkly butt plug. Be waiting wearing nothing but the gift when they come home from their day. Bonus: Buy your lover a Vesper by Crave. It’s a vibrator and jewelry — two gifts in one!
3. Spend your evening playtime touching and exploring — but with no words! Speak through touch and complete presence. Make your touch silky and effortless with Uberlube, our favorite luxury lubricant that also works fabulously for full-body massage without feeling greasy or tacky.
4. Light some candles and take a hot bubble bath together. We are loving the new CBD-infused bath products by High On Love. Set the scene with some sexy music or an aphrodisiac such as dark chocolate (and wine!). Bonus: Add waterproof sex toys that can go anywhere and everywhere your hands go.
5. Staying at your in-laws' house during the holidays and wanting to escape for some sexy time? Make an excuse that you and your partner need to run to the store to satisfy your eggnog cravings and then find a quiet place to pull over for a car quickie. For tips on how to step up your quickie game, listen to episode No. 50 of the Shameless Sex Podcast.
6. Ravish nerve endings that don’t always get touched. Spend an evening slowly kissing and nibbling on the neck, ears, shoulders and lower back, eventually adding your hands to stimulate breasts, nipples and the rest of the front of their body from behind. Bonus: Make a rule that genitals are off the table to really heighten arousal and desire.
7. Blindfold and tie your partner’s hands up (with consent of course). Ask them to verbally guide you by telling you everything they want you to do (this helps to strengthen communication skills as well). Have items like feathers, ticklers, floggers, vibrators and other sensation-play options on hand.
8. Give your lover oral sex while they are slaving away in the kitchen preparing the holiday dinner. Notice the typical stress levels of family time disappear. Too many family members in the kitchen? Meet in the bathroom for some privacy before you stuff that turkey.
9. Explore mutual masturbation. Ask your lover to pleasure themselves while you watch and pleasure yourself at the same time. Take in the hot eye candy in front of you and perhaps take note of the way your partner likes to be touched. Adding some facial ouuuuus and ahhhhs can heighten orgasm for both.
10. Explore erotic storytelling. Set a timer for two minutes and start to tell an erotic story featuring your partner. After the two minutes, reset the timer so that your partner can add onto the story. Do this until you get so turned on that you cannot keep your hands off each other. There are also helpful creative tools like “Mad Libs After Dark” to ensure you tap into all your naughty desires.
Amy Baldwin and April Lampert are hosts of the Shameless Sex Podcast, inspiring radical self-love, sexual empowerment, and shame-free intimacy.
