More than two decades ago, “Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy” hit bookstands, sparking both controversy and simultaneously a movement. In his famed (or infamous, depending on whom you ask) book, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach offers his own unique takes on relationships, sex and marriage in teachings derived from Judaism and the Torah.
Flash forward 20 years and the first-ever Kosher Sex store is up and running, helmed by none other than his daughter, Chana Boteach.
We want to make sex open, but at the same time embrace its mystique and allure.
Situated in a posh district of Tel Aviv, Kosher Sex could best be described as a sex “boutique” designed for committed couples to pop in, explore and hopefully leave with a fun new addition to spice up their sex lives.
As of now, Boteach shares the storefront with her friend, Christina Dickens, whose sustainable vintage denim label, Foreign Denim, offers a chic and inviting contrast for passersby.
Kosher Sex Style
Perusing the store’s inventory, you won’t find any of the kitschy or kinky wares of red-light district shops; instead, high-end products and discreet designs from brands like Tenga, Je Joue and Dame Products are tastefully peppered about, giving off an air of modesty and simultaneous casual elegance.
Trendy products like Fur Oil and HighOnLove’s all-natural Sensual Massage Oil are carefully placed amongst displays of rose quartz Chakrubs and Bijoux Indiscrets’ latest Zodiac-themed Horoscope kits, closer in style to the latest hipster hangout than to a “sex store” in any traditional sense of the word.
A smattering of soft bondage accessories is joined by a collection of massage oils, bath products and candles from the likes of Shunga and Intimate Earth, with a handful of naughty couples’ games — including a cheeky play on Monopoly — as well as several sexual wellness items, such as OhNut, a wearable cushion that’s designed to reduce pain during sex.
Uberlube, Lelo, Njoy, Magic Wand and Satisfyer products all made the cut as well, but the highly curated collection notably steers clear of anything too “vulgar or phallic,” a decision that not only makes Kosher Sex distinct amongst competitors, but also one that plays into its deeply held values.
“We have things that are a little bit more beginner-friendly,” said Boteach. “And we do have some BDSM products, but it’s all playful things that will bring some kind of fun to the relationship and reignite some passion — nothing that can really cause harm.”
She followed up, noting, “In Judaism it’s problematic to cause pain to the body so we don’t promote it. To each their own, but it’s just not our style.”
Defining Kosher Sex style as it relates to the store takes nuance, but in summary, “It’s really about fostering closeness and connection and intimacy,” said Boteach.
“Something doesn’t have to look like a penis to do the job to pleasure a woman or a man. There are some amazing products that can fit the contours of the body better than a phallic object would.
“In general, our style is more subtle.”
May All Your Sex Be Kosher Sex
“Kosher” as a concept was only popularly paired with sex for the first time in Boteach’s book. But as Chana puts it, “‘Kosher sex’ is really about reclaiming sex as it was intended — an act that brings two people together.”
Now, sex and religion haven’t historically been the best of friends — so much so that the idea of a sex shop with any kind of religious connotation seems almost a little absurd. However, kosher sex is less about looking at intimacy through a religious lens and more about drawing inspiration from the teachings of Judaism to bring about a “sensual revolution” (more on that later).
Integral to the concept is the notion that kosher sex is for committed couples. For Boteach, hookup culture and the ubiquitous abundance of porn have led to a “vulgarization” of sex in its ideal, opening the door to a whole host of other precarious social problems.
“We’ve really veered far from what [sex] was intended for and now it’s pushing people apart,” she explained.
“Especially in America, everyone thinks that everyone is having sex, but we’ve seen from statistics that this is the loneliest generation. There’s an orgasm gap, kids and teenagers are turning to porn for their sex education, the divorce rate is skyrocketing and people are having less sex than ever.
“Something is wrong,” she insisted. “There’s an issue.”
One of the principles of the decades-old “Kosher Sex” guide is the idea that sex was never really meant to be all that explicit, hence the focus on discreet products.
“There’s supposed to be an element of mystery or unavailability,” Boteach explained. “We want to make sex open, but at the same time embrace its mystique and allure.”
“On the one hand,” she continued, “you have the more secular world that made sex so explicit and so available that it feels almost exploited.”
On the other? “You have religious people who have suppressed sexuality and made it taboo,” something Boteach feels is “unnatural and unhealthy” and, most importantly, “not in line with Judaism at all.”
“When I opened the store,” she explained, “I had to toe the line of being open and trying to make sexuality less taboo while also reframing it as wholesome and intimate and placing value on understanding the holiness that sex can bring in a relationship.”
With this in mind, Boteach says that her store is specifically geared towards couples because in the current climate, “they’re the ones who need it the most.”
“Most of the world has this idea that if you’re married or with the same person that you’re going to get bored: ’Monogamy leads to monotony.’
“In the hookup culture, there’s this novelty of getting to be with someone new all the time but people don’t enjoy having sex and then feeling disconnected or used after.”
While not always the case, the heart of Kosher Sex speaks to those who are searching for something to bring “some kind of sacredness and meaning back to sex.”
Sensual Revolution
After a successful open in Tel Aviv, Kosher Sex has since expanded to a pop-up location at Nocturno Café in Jerusalem, with Boteach announcing plans to open a New York location before the end of the year.
“Tel Aviv was a great start,” she said. “It’s the city I live in, it’s my home and I’ve been there for a long time now, but I do want to spread this message. I feel that Judaism, out of all religions and even the secular world, has the healthiest views on sexuality [and so] it’s not just for Jews, it’s not just for Israelis, it’s not just for religious people — it’s a universal message.”
As far as the original “Kosher Sex” goes, it would appear its spirit is very much alive and well.
“The book is actually one of my bestselling products,” Boteach said, warmly, “and I thought books were out!”
In addition to Kosher Sex, Boteach also launched a sister site, SensualRevolution.com, which features articles, online courses and a podcast from various contributors, including Rabbi Shmuley.
“It’s kind of a play on the sexual revolution,” she joked. “I started the company and based it off of my dad’s ideas, but he’s very heavily involved.”
Twenty years later and people are still hungry to see what kosher sex is all about. It would appear that a revolution has indeed started and it’s showing no signs of slowing down.
