If there is one thing that I learned throughout my years of experience in this field, it is that guys (especially the straight ones) feel pretty uncomfortable with using toys with their partners.
In order to find a solution on how to help them, we first need to understand the reason behind this issue. The finger can be pointed at many causes, but I strongly believe that the ones that I’m going to discuss below are the most impactful ones.
A simple conversation can completely change a person’s perspective on the way they approach intimacy with themselves and/or with their significant other.
One reason is that guys have this ideal created by society in which they have to be the best at any cost and be able to do anything without asking for help. This, of course, translates into an unnecessary supercharged ego and the determination to “make some damage” in bed.
Another issue that can make guys view sex toys more as an enemy than a friend is the fact that women, often in a joking way, refer to their little vibrating friends as something that would “replace my partner” due to how good they are. This, of course, has only made toys less popular with the guys.
A good way to help change that perception would be to limit those intimidating “jokes” in order to make your partner comfortable enough to try the toys out together. Another approach would be to start out slow with simple vibrators or props.
Some examples of these beginner tools could be massage candles, small clitoral vibrators or cock rings.
It’s very important to make a partner feel comfortable during that first experience with a toy. First impressions are everything, and a positive first-time experience with a toy will help in the long run by making a male more open to intimate requests from his partner.
Thankfully, the spread of information regarding men and toys is enabling more exploration in the bedroom. A survey conducted in 2014 by For Him Magazine showed how much guys are willing to learn and explore their bodies.
FHM got more than 5,000 men to talk about their views about buying male sex toys and found that:
- 51 percent of the men surveyed own a sex toy, with cock rings being the most popular toy, followed in popularity by Fleshlight, prostate massagers and penis pumps.
- 78 percent of the men said that they would consider buying a sex toy for solo use; however, 22 percent stated that there was “no way” that they’d buy one.
- An interesting majority of the men — 70 percent — suggested that they should be allowed to buy a male sex toy without embarrassment.
- 69 percent would be happy to let their partner use a male sex toy on them.
- 60 percent of the men surveyed said they had used a female sex toy on their partner and had enjoyed the experience.
- Only 4 percent of the men surveyed said it would be weird.
So from what we have seen, men are interested in learning more, but how to help them? Here is also where companies like us come into play. Our job is help people explore and better understand their sexual interests.
For example, at Svakom, last year we created this new concept of workshop parties where learning about sex and having fun, dancing, drinking and listening to music is combined. We found that this mix of activities is the perfect recipe if you want to attract people of every ethnicity, gender and sexual orientation and get them to talk, open up, learn and enjoy themselves without feeling uncomfortable.
The results have been amazingly positive, women that never used toys before finally had the courage to buy their first one; guys that have always been reluctant to try vibrators with a partner were finally convinced to give it a shot.
A simple conversation can completely change a person’s perspective in the way they approach intimacy with themselves and/or with their significant other. So if you know someone that is pretty defensive about it, or is just simply seeking for new ways to improve his sexual lifestyle, take the time to talk to them about it. You might be surprised by the outcome.
Alexandro Feynerol is the sales manager for Svakom, a manufacturer of high-end pleasure products.
