Five years ago, if you would have told me I’d be working in the adult entertainment industry after I graduated college, I would have replied, “Eh, I can see it happening.” Five years ago, if you would have told me I’d become a major cosplayer, I would have laughed and said, “Not a chance!” Life has a way of always surprising me. I never knew how much self-discovery I’d experience in pretending to be someone else.
I started as a webcam model two years ago on MyFreeCams.com, and struggled. The amount of effort, time and energy I wasted trying to find my way … in all the wrong ways … led me to a place of discouragement. A year into camming, I asked myself, why was I so scared to just be myself and do things I liked, rather than trying to fit in with everyone else? Was it rejection? Fear of being too open with my sexuality?
Cosplay has allowed me to explore all sorts of niches, kinks, fantasies, scenarios and dreams I’ve never been able to experience. It allows me to create a space for people to appreciate a sort of art that I make from prop building to costume design, and the production value of anything I do with it.
I was creating content and shows I wasn’t into. I was following trends to try and fit in amongst my peers, and I wasn’t happy, even though I love the adult industry, and I love camming. I love the notion that I make a difference in peoples’ lives, that I’m the happy, weird and entertaining place people can come home to every night. I have the ability to create an adult, consensual and safe place for people to experience fantasies from the comfort of their computer free of judgment. This is wildly important for my audience, but I wasn’t making it important for myself.
Then, in the summer of 2016, I started to compose ideas for adult content I truly wanted to create, and shows I genuinely wanted to put on. I had to do a bit of self-reflecting and really ask myself, what turns me on? Giving this much time and thought, I had multiple images come to mind from various TV shows, movies, books and comics. This is when the cosplay door sort of opened for me, even though I didn’t know it was happening. While I know some of my fetishes aren’t widely accepted in the vanilla world, let alone the adult industry, in some avenues, I figured out a safe way to explore them with myself … cosplay.
Cosplay has allowed me to explore all sorts of niches, kinks, fantasies, scenarios and dreams I’ve never been able to experience. It allows me to create a space for people to appreciate a sort of art that I make from prop building to costume design, and the production value of anything I do with it. I have a cam and content audience of 40 percent female and 60 percent male, and I truly do aim to make something for everyone while staying true to myself. I think it’s really important to divulge in crazes you love, rather than what you think people will like.
Having such a diverse audience makes it different for everyone. Some people enjoy my work because I create a fantasy in which they get to experience one of their favorite characters in a sexual way. Some people never considered some of the characters I cosplay in a sexual way, and it allows them to safely explore that idea without repercussions from their peers or society. Some people just like me, for me, and support the fact that this is what I do, and watching me do it is all they want.
At first, I didn’t realize me dressing up, pretending to be a character and sort of playing this role was cosplay until I won an award for being the best cosplay performer in January 2017. I’m really lucky to be in the position of being able to intertwine a hobby of mine with my job. My passion for cosplay has since grown because of the creative and sexual outlets it gives me. Who would have thought the obsessive hobby my ex-boyfriend used to spend an excessive amount of time and money on, trying to be a wizard for a convention, would become my career and biggest passion? While five years ago I would have laughed at myself geeking out so hard, to the point of winning awards like the 2017 XBIZ Best Cosplay Cam Model for it, there’s not a chance of me changing it for anyone!