opinion

'Train' Fans to Help You Build and Maintain a Positive Dynamic

'Train' Fans to Help You Build and Maintain a Positive Dynamic

Fan interactions can be a bit of a love/hate relationship. Obviously, you need fans in order to be successful. But sometimes they can require a lot of attention, which you may not have the bandwidth for. However, giving your fans personal attention doesn’t have to be a daunting chore. With a little “training,” you can teach fans how to interact in a way that keeps them feeling connected to you, but doesn’t cost you valuable time and energy.

STARTING ON THE RIGHT FOOT

Let fans know from the start what is and isn’t tolerated, and that your DMs and pages are a space for creativity, inclusion and positivity.

The more exposure you have, the more opportunities there are for fans to find you. That’s why most content creators are on a variety of platforms and social media sites. But this can lead fans to try contacting you in five different ways. It’s like a friend who really wants to talk to you about something, so they send you a message on Telegram, then a text, then an email and finally end up calling you if you’re not responsive. You’ll wind up having to follow the conversation across each medium! Who has the time or patience for that? The key to heading off this kind of situation is directing your fans, right from the start, on exactly how they should go about reaching you.

This can be as simple as having an introduction or greeting on all your platforms that provides clear, detailed instructions on how fans can get in touch and what they should expect when they do. Make this part of your welcome messages to new subscribers on each platform and save it as a pinned message where you can. This message should include a greeting, but also clarify that for private conversations, you can be reached on such-and-such platform. You basically want to direct the fans to talk to you where you can earn money.

If you’re on SFW socials, it’s a good idea to close your DMs so that fans don’t try to start a conversation with you there. You don’t want your Instagram and Twitter DMs flooded with people whom you feel obligated to reply to. Instead, they can see your intro message with something as simple as “Chat me up on Platform X anytime Monday through Friday!” Doing this limits their options — for instance, no weekends in the above example — and frees you to scroll as much as you want without constantly being barraged with pings because people can see you are online.

SETTING THE TONE

It’s great to be open to fan interactions, but it can be tricky dealing with different personalities, especially if you’re not a confrontational person. Fortunately, most of your fans are likely to be kind, though some may be shy and nervous about getting to chat with you. After all, they’ve seen you in the most intimate of ways!

If you do encounter negative interactions, try to reframe these to become teachable moments. You want your fans to feel welcome, but you also need them to respect your page and your work. You get to decide what the boundaries are.

Since people often mirror one another in their interactions, being polite and kind is the best way to set the tone on your pages and “train” your fans to respect that. Let fans know from the start what is and isn’t tolerated, and that your DMs and pages are a space for creativity, inclusion and positivity.

If a fan wants to complain about a video you posted, try not to get defensive. Instead, ask what they’d prefer. If it’s something that you can do, turn this into an opportunity to get them to purchase a custom video, or direct them to content you may already have that fits that niche. Or kindly tell the fan that you appreciate their feedback, but that you create content that you like and sometimes that’s different from what they want. Give them the opportunity to be heard and to course-correct. More often than not, they’ll appreciate you responding to them with kindness and will redirect the conversation.

DEFLECT LIKE YOU’RE WONDER WOMAN

What if a fan decides they don’t need to be polite? You don’t want to go off on them entirely, because there’s a lot of places now where fans can leave reviews and post these interactions. It’s a balance between being assertive and being a jerk. You want to stand up for yourself, but let them be the jerk instead of coming down to their level. Remind your fans that this is your livelihood and that they need to respect your space and your rules.

When you encounter these fans, practice saying, “I don’t think this is the place for you; hopefully you’ll find something better suited to your needs. Be well!” A response like this protects you. In being kind but making it clear that this is not what your space is for, you safeguard your brand and your reputation. A response like this will convince most rude fans to change their tune and backtrack. Some fans may even tip you as an apology!

BLOCK IT LIKE IT’S HOT

I also suggest maintaining a “two strikes and you’re out” policy. For a first offense, you get a warning to behave. If you do it again, you’re out. Blatant abuse is always an instant block. Some people think because you’re a content creator that they can say anything they want, but we all know that the answer to that is a giant “Hell, no!”

You can try to educate these fans about how to interact with you, or even just with women in general, but that is not your job. You have no obligation to tolerate abusive behavior. There is a reason you have the option to block people, so use it! This can also serve as an object lesson for others. Screenshot the interaction, blur out any personal information such as usernames and post these encounters on your wall as a warning that you have a zero-tolerance policy for such behavior.

Remember, this is your space. You make the rules. Just because a fan paid to subscribe does not mean you are their doormat. Be kind and polite and welcoming, but also be strong — and be ready, from the start, to show them who’s boss.

Megan Stokes is a co-founder of NMG Management, the premier content distribution and management firm. A veteran of the adult industry, she has proven to be an endless well of knowledge and is a collector of data that she gladly shares with those who seek her help.

Related:  

Copyright © 2025 Adnet Media. All Rights Reserved. XBIZ is a trademark of Adnet Media.
Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.

More Articles

opinion

WIA Profile: Lainie Speiser

With her fiery red hair and a laugh that practically hugs you, Lainie Speiser is impossible to miss. Having repped some of adult’s biggest stars during her 30-plus years in the business, the veteran publicist is also a treasure trove of tales dating back to the days when print was king and social media not even a glimmer in the industry’s eye.

Women in Adult ·
opinion

Fighting Back Against AI-Fueled Fake Takedown Notices

The digital landscape is increasingly being shaped by artificial intelligence, and while AI offers immense potential, it’s also being weaponized. One disturbing trend that directly impacts adult businesses is AI-powered “DMCA takedown services” generating a flood of fraudulent Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notices.

Corey D. Silverstein ·
opinion

Building Seamless Checkout Flows for High-Risk Merchants

For high-risk merchants such as adult businesses, crypto payments are no longer just a backup plan — they’re fast becoming a first choice. More and more businesses are embracing Bitcoin and other digital currencies for consumer transactions.

Jonathan Corona ·
opinion

What the New SCOTUS Ruling Means for AV Laws and Free Speech

On June 27, 2025, the United States Supreme Court handed down its landmark decision in Free Speech Coalition v. Paxton, upholding Texas’ age verification law in the face of a constitutional challenge and setting a new precedent that bolsters similar laws around the country.

Lawrence G. Walters ·
opinion

What You Need to Know Before Relocating Your Adult Business Abroad

Over the last several months, a noticeable trend has emerged: several of our U.S.-based merchants have decided to “pick up shop” and relocate to European countries. On the surface, this sounds idyllic. I imagine some of my favorite clients sipping coffee or wine at sidewalk cafés, embracing a slower pace of life.

Cathy Beardsley ·
profile

WIA Profile: Salima

When Salima first entered the adult space in her mid-20s, becoming a power player wasn’t even on her radar. She was simply looking to learn. Over the years, however, her instinct for strategy, trust in her teams and commitment to creator-first innovation led her from the trade show floor to the executive suite.

Women in Adult ·
opinion

How the Interstate Obscenity Definition Act Could Impact Adult Businesses

Congress is considering a bill that would change the well-settled definition of obscenity and create extensive new risks for the adult industry. The Interstate Obscenity Definition Act, introduced by Sen. Mike Lee, makes a mockery of the First Amendment and should be roundly rejected.

Lawrence G. Walters ·
opinion

What US Sites Need to Know About UK's Online Safety Act

In a high-risk space like the adult industry, overlooking or ignoring ever-changing rules and regulations can cost you dearly. In the United Kingdom, significant change has now arrived in the form of the Online Safety Act — and failure to comply with its requirements could cost merchants millions of dollars in fines.

Cathy Beardsley ·
opinion

Understanding the MATCH List and How to Avoid Getting Blacklisted

Business is booming, sales are steady and your customer base is growing. Everything seems to be running smoothly — until suddenly, Stripe pulls the plug. With one cold, automated email, your payment processing is shut down. No warning, no explanation.

Jonathan Corona ·
profile

WIA Profile: Leah Koons

If you’ve been to an industry event lately, odds are you’ve heard Leah Koons even before you’ve seen her. As Fansly’s director of marketing, Koons helps steer one of the fastest-growing creator platforms on the web.

Women in Adult ·
Show More