I founded ForPlay Films and started making erotica by women, for women, out of my own desire to watch more sensual films that depict female pleasure in a way that I could identify with. My background as a mindfulness practitioner and community counselor influences the psychological and sociological approach I take to my films. I specialize in sensuality, chemistry, connection, autonomy and diversity — but for this article, I will focus on sensuality.
“Sensual” simply means “of the senses,” meaning sight, smell, sound, taste and touch. By that definition, it would seem that everything we do could be considered sensual. However, we live in a society where we aren’t encouraged to pay attention to our senses and thus we remain unconscious of a large part of what we experience through them.
Paying attention to your thoughts and sensations will help you to feel more centered and will make for a more authentic and pleasurable performance.
Another aspect of sensuality is enjoyment or pleasure. The Oxford English Dictionary lists one definition of sensuality as “the condition of being pleasing or fulfilling to the senses.” But since we so often try to cut ourselves off from feeling because of the pain, sadness, anxiety or other discomfort we experience, how can we stay open to experience deep pleasure? We can’t close the door to uncomfortable feelings without closing the door on all feelings.
How can we find our way back to experiencing the full range of sensations and feelings? A great way to do that is through mindfulness, which requires a willingness to confront whatever you experience, whether pleasant or uncomfortable.
We often associate mindfulness with meditation, the Western understanding of which tends to focus on “emptying your mind” or “letting go of negative feelings.” Mindfulness is actually the opposite of that. Mindfulness is about paying attention to whatever is, regardless of whether you experience it as positive or negative. Mindfulness is about not choosing one over the other.
By being present to whatever is, making space for it and just allowing it to exist, the conflict with the “negative” feeling will lessen and it will become easier to be with that feeling. That feeling will become less intrusive and less uncomfortable. It’s a bit counterintuitive. Our mind thinks that by avoiding something, we can “get rid” of it. But the opposite is true: that which we resist, persists. So instead of fighting it, we bring in the quality of surrender.
Here are a few practical things that you can do to practice mindfulness in the context of sensuality.
EXAMINE YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT SEXUALITY AND PERFORMANCE
Since this article is about sensuality in your performance, start by examining your beliefs about sexuality itself.
- At what age did you learn about sexuality and from whom? What was the message? What did your parents and teachers tell you about sexuality? Did you grow up with religious beliefs about sexuality?
- How do you see gender roles in general and in sexuality?
- How do you feel about your own sexuality? Your gender? Your body?
- What do you believe about performance? For whom do you perform? For yourself? For the viewer?
These questions will help you explore the mental framework in which your sexuality and your performance are taking place.
MINDFULNESS BODY SCAN
You can find a lot of guided body scans on apps like the UCLA Mindful App, Insight Timer or Calm. Through body scans, you can learn to pay closer attention to the sensations in your body. This will help you to be more in tune with the sensations you are experiencing in the moment and also help you stay connected with your body while you are performing. It will help ground you in case you are getting in your head about your performance and help you focus on your experience instead of the camera.
FOCUSING ON TOUCH
This can be done when you are alone or while you are performing. When you have some time, maybe before going to bed or right after waking up, take a few minutes and lightly run your fingers along your arm. While doing that, pay attention to the sensations on your arm as well as in your fingers. Notice how it feels to touch and how it feels to be touched. You can do the same thing during a performance with a partner. Pay attention to how it feels to give touch and how your body feels receiving touch. This is another way to stay present to the experience and to your body while also being in tune with your partner.
LISTENING
If you can, sit down with a partner and take turns with one person talking and the other just listening. While you are listening, pay attention to any judgments that come up for you while the other person is talking, watch your impulse to respond to them with something you might want to say. Stay with your breath while you listen to them and hold space for what they are saying. You can even put one hand on the center of your chest, your heart chakra. If you want to try this by yourself, you can choose a podcast or maybe a talk show and just focus on what comes up for you while you are listening. Then take this quality of listening into your performance with a partner. It will help you to feel more in tune with your partner, more open to what they are communicating to you and more able to respond in an open manner.
ADDRESSING PAST TRAUMA AND INNER CONFLICTS
Many of us have a history of trauma or are dealing with anxiety or have other things that make it hard to stay present to sensation or feelings. I see it as a badge of honor to go to therapy or find a support group where we can talk about our experience, reflect on it, be listened to and receive validation for the pain we are experiencing. I think addressing the issues in our lives is a prerequisite to opening up to feeling and sensuality.
In summary, mindfulness aims at enabling you to create space for your thoughts and emotions so that there is enough room to notice the physical sensations of pleasure and to stay connected with yourself and your partner. A preoccupied mind is a disengaged mind. Mindfulness will also enable you to notice your own boundaries more and be able to communicate them to a partner. Paying attention to your thoughts and your sensations will help you to feel more centered and will make for a more authentic and pleasurable performance.
Inka Winter is an erotic filmmaker and founder of ForPlay Films (@forplayfilms on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok). Visit ForPlayFilms.com and follow @inka.winter on Instagram and TikTok for more.
