It’s 4:45 a.m. (PST).
My eyes are wide open. I’d wipe the sleep away from them, if there was any. I’m restless. I’m always so fucking restless.
I have an idea for music that will go well with the footage and I turn on my trusty Yamaha M08 to bang out a quick score.
I glance over at Joanna Angel and our two dogs, Ramona and Presley, softly breathing in unison. They’ll be like that for hours. It’s a pretty sight and an even more pleasing sound ... I’m jealous, because I never get to sleep like that. It’s my blessing and my curse.
Since I’m up for the day now, I check my phone. Scroll-retweet-like-“she’s hot,” scroll-retweet-like-“she’s hot,” scroll-scroll-“she’s also-hot”-scroll-retweet-eye roll-scroll-“did he just actually say that?”-scroll-“did she just actually say that?”-scroll-meme-scroll-meme-sigh.
Now that I’ve successfully creeped on everyone for the day, it’s time to really get going. “Stop being so lazy Aaron, there’s a fuckton of work to do,” I tell myself.
Now, it’s 6:00 a.m.
I’m in the kitchen. I grind coffee beans, smoke a joint and listen to music. There’s always music on, from the moment I step out of bed until the moment I collapse into it. I get uncomfortable with too much silence. I’m cleaning up from the previous night, doing the dishes, taking out trash … doing a hard reset on the place. Joanna likes it when she wakes up to fresh coffee and the house looking perfect. I have a sleeping problem and I enjoy cleaning, so it works out. I stretch for a half hour and smoke another joint, switching from coffee to water now. The music gets a little louder, the house looks spotless and I start eating a banana.
7:30 a.m. comes around.
I’m in the office, which is a room in our house. I turn more music on, even louder. No more fucking around, time to get this day really going. I check work emails, answer press requests, do interviews, etc. The East Coast folks love that I’m a morning person. I check my call time and info for my shoot later in the day. Hallelujah! I love the girl I’m working with and the location is 15 minutes away! I’ve got to leave by noon, but we can get a lot done before then.
And now, it’s 9:00 a.m.
I’m knee deep in editing “Squirting Sex Kittens.” The footage looks good. Actually, it looks great! I’m inspired. I have an idea for music that will go well with the footage and I turn on my trusty Yamaha M08 to bang out a quick score. If Joanna wasn’t up before, she is now for sure, hahaha. She walks by with her Devil onesie on and the dogs on leashes to go for their morning stroll. They look so fucking cute. I yell, “I love youuuu,” over the howl of the metronome and get back to the music. Listening ... listening ... fuck!
“I played that part like shit, I’ve got to do it again,” I think. “Keep an eye on the time dude, you’ve still got to get ready to go to set.” I play it again and again and then it’s right. I mix the track, drop it into Premiere and the moment of truth ... it’s awesome. Whew. It sucks when it’s not. I’ve got to shower and get ready to go to set now. I set some footage to export while I’m gone for the day and I’ll work on this more tonight. The music is on full blast now!
It’s 11:00 a.m. and I’m naked in the shower, singing.
It’s 12:00 p.m. and I’m driving to set.
I stop at Whole Foods and get two protein bars, two bottles of water and a turkey sandwich. It’s not going to be a super long day on set, so that’s all I need. The guy at the register knows who I am, he’s a fan. He inquires, holding back giggles, “On your way to ... work?” as if it’s the funniest joke of all time. He’s a nice guy, he’s just nervous. It’s interesting to look directly into the eyes of someone who has jacked off to you multiple times before. He hands me the bag and I leave with a smile.
Now, it’s 1:00 p.m. and I’m on set.
It’s a pretty simple day. Three pages of a script and I’m playing a big bad stepbrother (naturally). The girl is super cute, with a fun fiery vibe. We laugh and joke about how silly the setup is while we rehearse the lines. This will be fun. After delivering what I’m sure will be Academy Award-winning dialogue about me reading her diary or something, we have sex. It’s really, really good. We’ll leave it at that!
And soon, it’s 4:00 p.m.
I’m driving home. I call Joanna and ask her our most important question of the day, “What the fuck are we doing for dinner?!” (or as we call it … “deeeenaarrrrr!”). We really like dinner. We discuss things like salmon vs. chicken, cauliflower rice vs. broccoli, red vs. white ... it’s riveting conversation.
As 5:00 p.m. rolls around, I’m at the gym.
I wish the gym was empty every time I worked out, but it never is. I’m embarrassing when I work out. I sing, play air drums while I run and make very … “odd” facial expressions, all the while listening to Taylor Swift. It’s just what I have to do. If these people only knew what I was blasting in my headphones they would think I was really nuts! But they already think I’m somewhat nuts, so fuck it, I’ve got to be me. Here comes the chorus, let’s up the incline!
7:00 p.m. rolls around, and I’m home.
The dogs are snuggling on the bean bag, clearly worn out from a ferocious day of doing absolutely jack shit nothing. Must be nice. Joanna is in the office, working on … well I don’t know what it is but by the way she’s violently typing it’s probably a script. She sounds inspired. I give her a kiss, and shower off the day.
By 8:00 p.m., I’m back in the office … back to “Squirting Sex Kittens.”
This ain’t going to edit itself and my day isn’t done yet! While I’m editing, Joanna makes dinner and even brings me a glass of wine while I try and find the perfect tone in color correction for an anal gape shot by a pool. We should change this movie title to “Squirting Gape Kittens” based on this scene. Jesus, that’s wide. Sip. Sip. Squirt. Squirt. Then, I hear, “Deeeennnaarrrr is ready!”
At 10:00 p.m. I collapse on the couch with my beautiful wife, lazy dogs and a steaming plate of baked salmon with cauliflower rice and the news on.
The news is brutally depressing, moreso than ever these days. The world is so dark. We change it to the Food Network. I give Joanna a kiss and we snuggle up until bed. I feel calm for a brief moment.
Then, it’s 4:45 a.m. the next day.
My eyes are wide open.