If Private Chat Is Toxic, Set Firm Boundaries

If Private Chat Is Toxic, Set Firm Boundaries

When is too much, too much?

Camming might be a wonderful, magical place where performers are getting paid to have fun, entertain and be themselves, with a little extra something-something. It might all sound and look nice for outsiders and most of the time, it is.

I usually sense when someone comes in private with bad intentions and I just tell them that I’m not that type of girl.

I love my #GirlsFromStudio20 and I respect all performers. I think the work that they do is amazing and it takes a lot to expose yourself with all that you are. Some of them are playing a role on cam but as any trained actor would say, sometimes, the role is so deep, so hard, it hits so close to home, that it breaks you down. We’re all human, and as much as we like to hide it, when it’s about you and the camera, the eyes speak the truth.

But how can you know when enough is enough?

Talking to the girls and boys of Studio 20, I couldn’t help but ask, “What are you willing to share or do and how much do you allow people to get to you? Most important, how do you shake it off?”

Trans model Brandi Charm said, “I love talking to people and sharing experiences and I am very connected to my members, but being trans is never easy. Some people don’t understand the struggle and all that we have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Most members that come to my room know why they come and what they expect, but there are also the ones that just love to make you feel bad, people with too much money that just want to make others feel miserable because they were never okay with themselves.

“Some see trans as freaks and have a blast making fun, treating us on cam like we’re their little puppets,” she continued. “I’m not afraid or ashamed of who I am and my journey to being who I am left me with a lot of scars and heartache. I am proud of my body and my journey, but when some members get too close for comfort, I can’t hide it and I just tell them. I promised myself long ago I’d never allow anyone to treat me with anything else but respect. I usually sense when someone comes in private with bad intentions and I just tell them that I’m not that type of girl. They can have their fun somewhere else with someone else. I never let these things affect me any more like it used to, I’ve grown from the pain.”

As Studio 20 is an international cam studio, we have studios all over the world, with cam models of different skin types, body shapes and backgrounds. Diversity is beautiful and amazing, but to think it’s easy in the modern era is idealistic at best.

Studio 20 model Analise Yoel shared, “I’m a black woman, New Orleans born and proud. My body has gone through changes and sure enough, while you go up in age, some things tend to loosen up, gravity has its say in a lot of things and well, you can only do so much to yourself and not look like a blow-up doll (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I prefer not to look like that). Before I had my surgery, my breasts were a bit saggy and that’s a normal thing for black girls like me.

“I had one member that liked to humiliate me for being black and for having saggy breasts,” Yoel revealed. “I said, ‘Ok, I’m doing it for the money, it doesn’t affect me,’ but at the end of the day, no matter how strong you are as a person, racial slurs and comments about your body get to you. I was depressed and thinking that I’ve become this person who accepts things like that only for the money. I forgot that I am a proud, beautiful, young woman that can have any freaking thing that she wants. So when I realized that, I told him. I told him I don’t accept that kind of talk, I can’t accept it and I don’t want to. We are performers, this is our art. Enough is enough when you don’t feel comfortable with it, when the sexy play just turns into torture.”

Camming is an art form. It’s a way of expressing yourself creatively, sexually and mentally. Unfortunately, too many new performers experience abuse when they start camming, not thinking about their mental health, not thinking that in the long run, every type of abuse will generate a tornado in themselves.

Ivy BlueSky, for example, revealed, “I remember this guy with a crazy fetish. I respect fetishes a lot, especially on cam, because I understand how much courage it takes to express desires, even if they’re not the most common ones, but this one … this one was when I said ‘enough.’ He wanted me to play the role of a carcass, like I was hung in a cold storing space with my hands in the air and my torso exposed.

“I never felt so uncomfortable as I did then, especially since he told me that I am a piece of meat,” she explained. “I ended the private right there and returned the man his money. I had to log off for a few days after that, I felt so bad, I felt exactly like he wanted me to feel: like a piece of meat. I love my job and all the crazy things that happen every day. But I respect myself enough to put a stop when some things feel icky. This is something every performer should learn to do.”

In this February month of love, with all the balloons and heart-shaped, stuffed things, remember to love yourself more. Remember to put yourself first. We’ve lost a few good people to bullying and I think I speak for all when I say we don’t want any more. You know your body the best, you know your limits and trust when I say, you will still be loved if you’re being yourself, if you do you.