It has been three years now working in the adult entertainment industry and this is my letter to the masses, on how I cope. After death threats, stalkers, friendships lost, family estrangement, online abuse from trolls and an array of other particularly vile negatives, I often ask myself, “How the fuck are we all handling this?” Because, it’s definitely not just me. In fact, every single model or performer I have ever spoken to, has suffered at the hands of at least one of the above. Most people do so on the daily. And yet here we all are, grinding away still, most of us incredibly happy with our life choices.
Therein lies our greatest strength. We have perfected the art of not giving a fuck. However, achieving this takes time and it’s not always that easy to brush off the nasty comments, the family arguments or the soul-crushing loneliness it sometimes can take to be a successful model. If you are struggling, here is what I implement daily in order to stay sane, succeed and most importantly, be happy.
It’s not always that easy to brush off the nasty comments, the family arguments or the soul-crushing loneliness it sometimes can take to be a successful model.
First, let’s tackle success and how I approach camming mentally. Business, as a rule (I believe) is 80 percent psychology and 20 percent action. With that in mind, I find it incredibly important to have perspective. My idea of success is vastly different to each and every model/per-former I have ever brushed paths with. My goals and aspirations are based entirely on my past experiences in life and what I have already achieved.
This varies from model to model, and yet we are all comparing our victories and successes on an esoteric few. It’s miserable to live like this and I have seen over the years, how models despair over their “lack” of success because they aren’t achieving what a completely different human being, with a different past, has accomplished. This is my first golden nugget. Stop comparing your success to others. In order to succeed, make a list of your goals (make them big and reach for the stars) and start to get to work on them.
I like to think of it as building a house. If you start looking around at other people’s already completed mansions, don’t let the green-eyed monster creep in and mock your one brick you have in your hand. Lay that one brick as best as you possibly can and then pick up the next. It’s easy to get overwhelmed if you look at the whole house as a job. Lay each brick as perfectly as you possibly can and one day you’ll look around and you’ll have that mansion too.
Second nugget I found that helped me become successful, is to get hungry. We have been gifted this malleable, creatively free platform, to turn pretty much any skill or talent into money. I can’t think of a single other profession where you can knit, breathe fire, cover yourself in goo and sit in your pajamas telling knock-knock jokes in a single day’s work and get paid for it! So in order to be successful, get hungry about your passions or skills and utilize them in your camming.
I live for my job. I couldn’t imagine getting up every day and doing something I felt forced to do. The best bit is, we don’t have to! You like knitting? Incorporate making giant woolen titties into your show! Great at playing the flute? Do it naked, sitting on a Hitachi! Find something you love and make it your bitch. All those successful models we all like to look up too, have found their niche and thrown themselves at it with passion.
We are working a sales job to a market that already consumes the product for free. Porn is in abundance and people are tight as fuck, so we have to get clever. I find it’s passion and creativity that sells in camming. If you’re not passionate or happy with what you’re doing, it’s going to be hard to put up with the negatives that come in truckloads with the job.
The last bit of advice when it comes to being successful (and the most important part) is to constantly upgrade yourself! Staying stagnant to me is the biggest pitfall in the growth of a business. With all the technology we have at our fingertips, that is evolving at a rate so quickly, it’s imperative you grow with it. It doesn’t even have to relate to camming. As long as you are learning something new, getting out and doing something different, it will open new doors and give you new ideas you can apply to your job. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting new results.
That leads me to the staying sane part. As discussed, camming (like all jobs) has its down sides. However, with camming, the downs are considerably larger. This is because it balances out by sometimes being an incredibly lucrative profession. But, if camming at the present isn’t particularly lucrative for you, and at the same time you’re dealing with the negatives, it’s incredibly hard to stay positive and sane. In my experience and after talking to amazing women in the industry over the years, I try to break them down into three chunks and tackle them separately — loneliness, bullying and stigma.
Let’s take loneliness. It is incredibly hard to have a work/life balance if you don’t have a life outside of camming. Most of us don’t have outside relationships because we aren’t accepted (stigma) for our job. Creating friendships is equally hard, because we all live on different parts of the planet and are not under one roof. Some of my best friends live an 11-hour flight away from me. That is why it is imperative to reach out and network as much as possible. We have incredible companies like XBIZ, working hard to create an interface that we can look to for information. They put on events specifically for us to get together and network. Go to these events! Talk to new people. Open new doors. Get new ideas. Connect with your peers!
Secondly, bullying (caused again by stigma) is unfortunately encountered every day when we press broadcast. It is inflicted by the hundreds of souls who are so utterly miserable with their lives, they seek to pull us down to their level. I’ve found that adopting compassion towards said individuals has helped me not become bitter or resentful. Getting angry or upset by any number of comments in the past, has only ever hurt me more, not alleviated the pain. Being mad at someone, who clearly has not got your best interest at heart, is like drinking poison and expecting them to die from it. Don’t drink the poison folks.
Understandably though, the hardest part of bullying is when it comes from someone close to you. I no longer have a speaking relationship with some of my family, because they can’t see past the stigma of my job. They choose to focus on what they deem as negative, rather than listen to me. This is something I can’t change. I can’t force them to listen. I can’t force the world to see how much I love my job or force them to see my value. The only thing we can do is show them. Take the higher ground and slowly show the world how amazing we are by shining brighter.
I know it’s easier said than done, but getting upset or mad about the situation only hurts us. So, I choose to lead by example, block out the hate and surround myself with like-minded thinkers that are a positive force in my life. Let the naysayers shout in the distance. This is always going to be hard and I trip up daily but I’m not alone. We are strongest together. If you do ever find yourself in a better place, don’t forget to reach back and help another up to where you are. Each one, teach one.
Lastly, if you’re new to camming and you are reading this, do not be discouraged. This is intended for the thousands of people hustling in the adult industry, that sometimes need to hear a fresh take on how others are handling this job. Truth be told, this is to date, one of the greatest things I have ever done and it has opened up so many doors and introduced me to so many inspiring and wonderful people.
If you’re ever feeling a little lost or lonely, I’m always open to listen and talk. Equally, if you’re a bit stuck as to what to do to expand your business or you’re in a rut, don’t hesitate to reach out. To anyone! What is the worst that could happen?
Keep being the best version of you.