STAY SIMPLE, SLOW DOWN
Listen, too many content producers are in a rush during shoots, getting all nervous to be creative. STAY on your action. If the shot is hot, stay the fuck on it! So many times have I seen a great shot, but it only lasts for less than 5 seconds. It just makes you want to scream! “Christ,” you say, “I coulda BLOWN my load if only that ASSHOLE held the shot!” Now, I know we all like different things, but when a shot is good, it just feels right. Fight the feeling that says, “Duhhhh, maybe I should move the camera now.” DON’T! Don’t move the fucking camera unnecessarily. Don’t move the camera quickly or make sudden zooms or moves. Go slow. Take your time. Move fluidly. Don’t use stupid angles just because you think you should.
I know this producer who shoots holding the camera over his head. It’s ridiculous! Time and time again he does it and time and time again the shots suck. They just don’t work. He also constantly moves the camera, and can’t hold the camera steady. It’s very annoying and distracting to a good stroke session. If you CAN’T shoot or hold the camera steady, give it to someone else that can. Or use a tripod. Seriously, come on. Also, guys, don’t hold the camera when you are fucking someone. It just comes out shaky and blurry and it’s a big waste. Plus, you can’t even really see anything when you do it. “But it makes it look like the VIEWER is fucking her” blah, blah, blah, they will say. The only thing it makes me think is that the producer doesn’t know what the fuck HE’S doing and distracts me from what I’M trying to do. Which is beating off.
SOUND
Sound is extremely important. Just watch a good mpeg with no sound and see how frustrated you get. We wanna be able to HEAR the bitch breathing and moaning. We wanna hear every LITTLE sound she makes. Now, how the hell we gonna hear anything when the content producer is playing music in the background, and sometimes even LOUDLY! And to play COPYRIGHTED music on top of that? Producers, get a grip. NO fucking music, no fucking music, no fucking music. I don’t care if it makes you or your female subjects feel more comfortable, it’s just plain amateurish, dumb, wrong, and illegal; and it makes for a shitty stroking experience. I mean, isn’t a good one the bottom line? It should be. Also, turn your damn phones and beepers off, close your windows for street noise, and put a “do not disturb” sign on your door so nobody knocks when your about to blow your load in her face. You know, like your curious friends coming over unexpectedly to get a look-see, and then fucking-up your shoot.
TALENT
Get the best-looking talent you can get or afford, but don’t be fooled by beautiful girls. Yes, it’s better to have them, but if they are boring, or scared or inhibited, the video’s gonna be boring. Sometimes average-looking girls can be extremely hot, even if they are not beauties. So don’t pass them by. Remember, it’s the ACTION that is taking place, and her RESPONSE that makes a video hot. A girl maybe hot, but if she’s just lying there silent, the video’s gonna suck. Also, you paid ‘em, don’t be afraid to tell them what to do. Too many producers just let things happen, instead of directing the girl, even when the camera is rolling. If she ain’t blowin’ you right, fuckin’ tell her to suck that cock harder. Simple. Don’t be afraid.
And when I say get verbal, I mean only a few tough hard words to her. Don’t start speaking the whole damn time. Jesus, we don’t wanna here a guy’s fucking voice when we are beating off. If you do, go to a gay site. Talk dirty when the time is right then shut up, is what I recommend. There’s a guy out there shooting videos of some very hot girls, and I like his idea of luring unsuspecting girls back to his house. But Jesus Fucking Christ! Shut the fuck up, man! He fuckin’ talks and talks and talks the whole time about the stupidest shit while filming! It’s ridiculous. I know it’s because the guy is nervous, so calm the fuck down! Be professional. It’s so annoying because the girls and action are pretty good. It would be so much better if he just said nothing. Also, coach the girls a little before shooting. Tell them to get your cock really wet with spit when blowing you. Tell them to make lots of “mmmm mmmm” noises when she’s doing it. Coach her to talk dirty to YOU. You may end up surprising yourself how good your videos become. Guys, don’t make so much fucking noise when you cum. It’s really annoying. Nobody wants to hear how fulfilled YOU are.
FINALE
Guys, don’t make so much fucking noise when you cum. It’s really annoying. Nobody wants to hear how fulfilled YOU are. I mean Jesus, you never cum before? Just blow your load and be a man, be professional, take it easy, and keep your trap shut. There’s this guy on the net who blows huge loads on some pretty damn cute girl’s faces. It’s pretty hot with the volume off. Yet, he makes the most loud, revolting noises I have ever heard EVERY single time he cums. It’s fucking laughable and makes me wanna puke sometimes. So be cool guys, it’s only sex. We ARE supposed to be professionals.
In closing, I hope this is helpful to you. And I hope you laughed too. It’s supposed to be funny. And if you follow some of these ideas, I guarantee you’ll produce better video for the internet!
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