opinion

How I Saved Digital Playground

When I received a DVD copy of the Pirates trailer several weeks ago, along with a cash donation to my favorite charity (Spay the Whales), I was hesitant about giving it any coverage. "Surely, word of mouth will give this project the exposure it needs," I thought, reflecting on a 30-year career in adult entertainment that began with my participation in the infamous "Petting Zoo" of the 1975 World's Fair in Vienna.

"Surely publicity will only cheapen it."

Digital Playground publicist Anal Load Lee arrived at my home, sobbing, three nights ago. "Test audiences are confusing the trailer with (Michael Ninn's) Catherine and (Nic Andrews') Dark Angels 2," she cried, burying her check in my wallet. "The market is saturated with high budget couples' films."

"Take it easy, baby," I said absently. "Daddy will think of something."

"It has over 300 special effects shots," she offered.

"And yet, though male characters have more lines in the trailer," I noted, "none of them gets any billing. You say you are the filmmaker's company, but you would get nowhere with my drum circle."

"Jesse Jane was almost devoured by a shark during filming," she said.

"You would have partially recouped your investment," I said, "as there are parts the shark couldn't have digested."

"We have skeletons!" she wept.

There it was. Pirates has skeletons in it. I looked at the trailer again. The entire stable of Bad Ass Models and Max Hardcore Productions were cavorting in nothing but their bones. I took Anal Load Lee's face in my hands.

"Today's audiences don't like to see actual skeletons," I said. "Go back to your editing suites and create digital skeletons. I am confident Cousin Nick P. is good for something other than portraying ethnic stereotypes. You will take a hit on the budget, but I'm sure Adam & Eve is good for the difference."

"Thank you, Gram," she said. She went through my house and gently woke up Jesse Jane, Teagan Presley, Sophia Santi, Rocki Roads, Tera Patrick, Janine, Devon, Jana Cova and, for some reason, Malou, who had all fallen asleep on my plush couches after their pillow fight.

Pirates will be released this month.

Copyright © 2025 Adnet Media. All Rights Reserved. XBIZ is a trademark of Adnet Media.
Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.

More Articles

profile

Sarah Illustrates Spins Chill Vibes Into Viral Fame

Lounging in her sunny SoCal backyard in between content shoots, with her hair swept into a no-fuss ponytail and the sun dappling her shoulders, Sarah Illustrates looks every bit the hot mom next door — because, well, she is. The kind of mom who bakes fresh bread on the weekends, juggles dance recitals and baseball games, and delights in life’s simpler joys, like family time and trips to Target.

Jackie Backman ·
profile

Nade Nasty on Balancing Kink and Care Behind the Camera

Don’t let the name fool you. Onscreen, Nade Nasty projects the larger-than-life personality of a chaotic showman occupying a world that is strange, specific and entirely his own. Offscreen, however, he’s a thoughtful, detail-oriented creator — who just happens to have a serious flair for the eccentric.

Jackie Backman ·
profile

Andi Avalon Talks Wifey Life and the Joys of Suburban Chaos

Fans crave authenticity. For most adult content creators, this has become gospel. Everybody is looking for “the real deal” — and as it happens, you can’t get much more real than MILF creator-performer Andi Avalon.

Jackie Backman ·
profile

Sophia Locke Talks Second Acts and Self-Love

Sophia Locke has the kind of presence that instantly makes you want to lean in. She’s confident, effortlessly glamorous and exudes sincerity. Chatting with her feels like catching up over lattes with your best friend — who happens to casually drop that she’s filming three Adult Time features next month.

Jackie Backman ·
profile

Nicole Vaunt on Turning Desire Into a Work of Art

It’s not every day you come across someone who can speak just as passionately about smutty novels and tabletop board games as they can about lighting, lens choices and shooting adult content in sub-zero temperatures. But Nicole Vaunt doesn’t fit easily into one box — and that’s just the way she likes it.

Jackie Backman ·
profile

Lea Lexis On Challenging the Porn Status Quo

Lea Lexis doesn’t just aim to make movies — she wants to craft experiences. Bending the rules of what’s possible in moviemaking with the precision of a true auteur, the performer-turned-Brazzers producer has helped shape some of the industry’s most striking and boundary-pushing productions.

Jackie Backman ·
profile

Gregory Dorcel on Building Upon His Brand's Signature Legacy

“Whether reflected in the storyline or the cast or even the locations, the entertainment we deliver is based on fantasy,” he elaborates. “Our business is not, and never has been, reality. People who are buying our content aren’t expecting reality, or direct contact with stars like you can have with OnlyFans,” he says.

Jeff Dana ·
opinion

Ariel Demure Branches Out With Girlsway Featurette 'The Dove Plea'

Oklahoma, 1899. In a makeshift courtroom, sex worker Minnie Stacey is on trial for prostitution. In a speech that will become famous as the “Soiled Dove Plea,” her lawyer implores the jury to have compassion for this “fallen woman” rather than condemn her for her sins.

Aleks Janovski ·
profile

WIA Profile: Siren Obscura

Siren Obscura grew up in Arizona, surrounded by rugged beauty and desert landscapes that she describes as having a quiet power to them. That environment strongly shaped her appreciation for contrasts and natural light, which plays a significant role in her work today.

Women In Adult ·
opinion

How to Thwart Holiday Fraudsters With Finesse

The holiday season is a prime time for shopping. Unfortunately, it’s also peak season for credit card fraud. With increased transactions both online and in-store, fraudsters have more opportunities to exploit vulnerabilities — and they are getting better at it every day.

Jonathan Corona ·
Show More