Jezebel Pokes Fun at 'Scariest' Sex Toys

Bob Johnson

CYBERSPACE — Feminist blog Jezebel has taken a look at the lighter side of sex toys picking their “scariest and creepiest” novelties from vendors including Adam & Eve, Good Vibrations, Love Honey and more.

Along with the often imposing 15-inch “Giant Dong” and sacrilegious “Baby Jesus, Virgin Mary and Shiva butt plugs, Jezebel spotlighted novelties that could shake up users by their looks alone.

For those with a creepier bent, Jezebel’s list included the all-black “Death By Orgasm 10 Speed Scorpion Bullet Vibrator," from Love Honey that actually crawls out of a coffin.

And the recent fantasy craze has spawned multi-colored “Dragon’s Tongues” from Bad Dragon.The novelty website comes complete with explicit comic-book illustrations and a fantasy-inspired narrative to get folks in the mood: “The wet, warm tongue is idly comforting as it carefully mops your tears... and is unusually arousing as it curls slowly to lick your chin, teasing at your neck. ‘I could think of a few other ways to take our minds off of the loneliness...’ it murmurs, lowering its head to sniff at your groin. That cautious sniffing, the hot scent of its hide and the warmth in your groin are starting to make you wonder if you were feeling lonely after all...”

To cool things off, Jezebel spotlighted the chilly "Icicles No. 33 Glass Clitoral Vibrator with Rabbit Ears," and a talking vibe with a man’s voice that rattles off excuses for not being able to satisfy the user.

Disturbing from its looks alone, a product from Germany’s Yiffy Toys was selected that appears to be molded from an uncircumcised penis and made from some reddish, spongy material.

And for men, Good Vibration’s “Man Eater From Outer Space” waterproof vibrator also made the list. The “alien” is described as “the most adorable green monster sex toy you ever saw, with a vibrating, voracious mouth of joy, form-fitting and curved to fit many penises.” The “Man Eater” also comes in “so 1958” purple.

Jezebel’s article apparently hit a nerve as the post’s discussions spawned a number of contributions from readers with equally creepy products including a combination boob, penis and vagina product, a gnome butt plug, zombie dildo and more.