Jesse Jane Jane Calls Back

Gram Ponante
Many know Jesse Jane as a porn star, but I know her as a dear friend. We had a summer job with the Van Nuys Parks And Recreation Department digging sandboxes for deaf kids before I worked for AVN.

Back then I knew her as Jesse Jane Jane. As you can see, she adopted her middle name for her nom de porn.

She is travelling the American Southwest for Digital Playground, which pays me handsomely every time I mention that company. True to the Total Image Management Digital Playground exerts on its contract superstars, her bustier matches the couch.

JJ: We went to Albuquerque, Las Cruces, Alamagordo, and today we're in El Paso.
GP: What are you eating?
JJ: Banana puddin' with vanilla wafers.
GP: Hey, are you going to eat any of those 72-oz. steaks while you're there?
JJ: I only like steak once in a while.
GP: Tell me something no one else knows about Pirates, because I refuse to do original research.
JJ: Well, Carmen Luvana was supposed to do this scene in the ocean, but there'd been a six-foot shark sighting the day before -
GP: I was on the Indianapolis -
JJ: - so she wouldn't do it. So I volunteered to jump in the shark-infested water, and I did.
GP: Our shark.

I tell Jesse that my seventh wife, the glue heiress Mucilagia, and I watched Contract Star the night before.

GP:  - and then she said, "I'm gonna shave everything I own, come back in here, and suck you off."
JJ: I'm glad you liked it! That was the first movie they let me do that I just said, "Let me do what I want," and everybody loved it.

I hear the sound of Adella shooting Jesse Jane Jane with a dart.

JJ: Ow!
GP: Do people recognize you outside of the video store signings and adult expo appearances?
JJ: That's starting to happen a lot. We were eating at this place -
GP:  - What place?
JJ: - I think it was the Cattle Barn in El Paso? And the waitress had me sign a copy of Island Fever 3.
GP: Are you going to Teagan's baby shower?

Adella shoots me with a dart, through the phone.

GP: Ow! You're originally from Roger Clemens' Arlington, TX, right? Can you name the six flags over Texas?
JJ: State of Texas, Republic of Texas, Confederate flag, U.S. flag, France, and Mexico
GP: I keep forgetting France
JJ: Remember when we were shopping for the new DP Tonight couch and we all went to the Burbank IKEA and you bought me and Teagan all those hot dogs and Teagan was like, "This place should be called ITEAGAN"?
GP: Are you drunk? Stop making shit up! So when are you coming back?
JJ: I'll be back Saturday [today]
GP: Farewell and adieu.

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