An Unauthorized Kumquat

Stephen Yagielowicz
For more than a few years now, I’ve informally measured the pulse of the industry by the various things that I’ve seen at adult industry tradeshows – and I don’t mean the latest in affiliate programs, tools or technologies – but by the shenanigans that have often typified these gatherings.

From furniture being tossed out of windows, to ‘overexposed’ talent, and even blatant, public sexual acts on the show floor (to which I myself must plead guilty), the industry has frequently presented a less-than-mature face when its operators are gathered together.

As the business has evolved, however, many of those responsible for the most outrageous antics have passed by the wayside; victims of the inability to compete and thus afford to attend these events – their presence replaced by an increasing number of ‘suits’ vying for their share of the multi-billion dollar porn pie.

In a way, it’s a bit sad watching our industry mature; its youthful exuberance superseded by the necessities of business and the masses of bean counters swelling its ranks.

It’s come to the point now where it’s my wife that tends to do the most outrageous things: a case in point being her skinny dipping at the XBIZ Summer Forum reception party two years ago, as she exclaimed “You’ve all gotten too boring and someone is going to get naked here, damn it!”

I love that girl.

But this year, at the recently concluded XBIZ Hollywood Conference, it became clear just how grown up we all have become, as once again, my lovely wife Dawn did the most outrageous thing I saw at the show: she picked a ripe kumquat off of one of the trees that circled the pool at the Roosevelt Hotel.

As we walked away, feeling naughty and admiring our prize, one of the hotel’s security guards gave us a scowling “don’t pick the fruit” glance.

I straightened my suit, took my naughty wife by the arm, and we strolled away; glad that some kind of monkey business still makes its way into these events to brighten things up…