opinion

What I Learned at the FSC Meeting

Gram Ponante
I'd never been to a Free Speech Coalition meeting before because I'm prudish. I figured it would be a bunch of swingers running around with lampshades on, lots of upskirt photos, and frottage. Boy was I wrong!

Here are some salient points from last night's meeting, which dealt mainly with the amended 2257 regulations:

1. Run for your lives.
2. The U.S. government funds Panamanian death squads to kill your offshore 900 number.
3. Do not trade gunfire with the police who have come to search your files.
4. God created Man, Bill Margold created a business card.
5. Everyone is a secondary producer.
6. The onus is on you to prove you're not a child pornographer.
7. Do not leave your 2257 documentation in the same file cabinet as your meth lab.
8. Run for your secondary producer's life.
9. At industry functions, Internet people hang around with Internet people, and video people hang out with video people. The Internet people usually have better haircuts but the video people come strapped with semiautomatic weapons and bandoliers of hollow-point bullets.
10. Everyone likes gum.

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