"I've been in this for seven years, and you become jaded," says Robby D, director for Digital Playground. "There's nothing that'll happen on a set that I'm not prepared for."
Including crew members digging into a cake with extra-special "icing," unaware it's been used as a prop for a masturbation scene. Or taking a big hit of water out of a red plastic cup that's just been used as a "dick wash."
Stuff like that happens all the time, according to Robby. One memorable episode involved his favorite sex toy prop: a set of pink, plastic anal beads.
Scott Nails and Latin performer Carmen were shooting a blowjob scene, using the beads to great effect.
"He's pulling them out one at a time because it looks hot coming out of the butt like that," says Robby. "And the little cord snaps."
With one ball hanging, "we kind of panic and he grabs the ball, trying to act calm on-camera and keep it normal. He pulls on that and then that snaps.
"Now, the camera's off and there's like a quarter-inch of plastic cord hanging out of this girl's butt with these two big balls inside her. We're trying to hold on to this little cord covered in lube, and it's slipping up her butt further and further."
Eventually, Carmen managed to eliminate the problem herself, but, Robby says, "It was one of my favorite toys and I won't use them again because I'm just fearful of having to explain that to some doctor, you know?"
Likewise, April Storm of PurePlay Media says scatological antics are common on-set.
Describing a scene where two female performers were straddled in a 69 position while a male newcomer was performing anal on the top girl, Storm recalls, "The newbie talent was pounding the girl and the other girl was licking from underneath.
Without warning, the girl on top has an anal spill right into the bottom girl's mouth. It was sooooooo gross. The girl jumped up to rinse her mouth out, and the other one just looked mortified."
Rob Spallone, owner of Star World Productions, has been ringmaster on many a set-gone-wrong. He's seen it all — from Bigfoot-like body odor to having to hire a guy off the local lunch wagon to finish a facial pop shot.
"I'll tell you the best all-time story, ever," says Spallone with his straight-out- of-New Jersey accent. Shooting on the kitchen set of his studio with performers Nancy Vee and Alex Metro, "it's the last scene of the day, about 10 o'clock and I want to go home. Now back then, the breakdown was 10 minutes of pussy-eating, 10 minutes of blowjob, 12 to 14 minutes of sex in three different positions, and that made the scene.
"After 25 minutes, I come out of the office to see how far they got. He has her up on the sink with about eight people standing there and they're still on eating pussy.
"So, I say, 'Guys! What're you doing? I wanna go home! Let's go!'
"All of a sudden, Alex goes to rip her G-string off with his teeth. He misses and bites off a piece of her pussy lip. Blood is squirting out like a vein, and she's hysterical.
"I'm screaming at this kid to go to the RiteAid and get some peroxide. It was fucking crazy. And you know how the sink has two sections? Alex spit the piece of the lip into the other sink. You could hear it plop and the cameraman shot it. We couldn't use the footage, but we had it."
"I said to Alex, 'Let's do the blowjob scene now and we'll let her bite your dick off.' It was crazy that night," says Spallone, who decided it best to finish the shoot on another day.
Sometimes, performers are expected to go above and beyond reasonable limits. Tina Tyler, director at Mercenary Pictures and a former performer, recalled a director who attempted to save a few bucks on a mile-high budget.
After performing a scene in a small Cessna with her then-husband Tony Tadeschi, Tyler was approached by the director while they were still in the air.
"He says to me, 'Once you're finished cleaning up, you don't mind going up in the cockpit, right?'
"And I asked, 'Why would I want to go in the cockpit?'
"'Well, I promised the pilot he could get a blowjob if he gave me a deal on the plane...' So, I said, 'Well, then you better get your knee pads out, because you're the one that made the promise!'"
Tyler says the pilot later charged an even larger fee after realizing the deal had not been negotiated pre-takeoff.
Other performers push themselves beyond their limits. Tiana Lynn, national sales director for Elegant Angel and a former performer, remembers an incident when she was new to the business.
"I was using this birth control called Encare. It's like a wax suppository that melts inside of you. I was doing a gang bang and ended up using too many, I think, and wound up in the hospital with a second-degree burn. I don't know if it was from the friction or a chemical burn.
"They're the most horrible thing to have sex with," she adds, "especially on-camera. The wax starts to come out and I know the viewer is like, 'What is coming out of her?'"
But the real meltdowns happen when super-diva personalities clash on-set, as described by director/producer Cousin Stevie from his "Pussy Party #11: Ho' Down," where this cat fight can be seen in behind-the-scenes extras.
Actresses Ava Vincent and Dillan Lauren arrived on-set, throwing attitude at each other over a previous incident involving some stolen clothing.
"There was just general animosity between the two of them," says Stevie. "Cursing back and forth, yelling, and then one of the girls threw a burrito at the other one."
The situation escalated, until a can of Rock Star energy drink hit Lauren in the back.
"So, Dillan got really pissed," says Stevie. "She grabbed Ava by the back of the head and smacked her head into the refrigerator – Bam! She did it a couple of times and then threw her to the ground.
"Because the camera was down the hallway, all you see are feet going behind the wall. Then, you come around the corner – and now, Ava is coming down with her elbow like a WWF move, right into Dillan's face. Then, April (Storm) broke it up, thank God."
With the mayhem unleashed, "some of the girls sided with one girl, some with the other. But if my 'Pussy Party' doesn't come off as a fun, happy movie, it's not going to work," says Stevie.
"So, April, my production manager, and I got on the phone. We begged and we scrounged and got eight new girls. We didn't get finished until two in the morning, but I have to give it to everyone there that made it a successful movie.
"After I saw it," Stevie sighs, "then it was funny. But that night and that day, there was nothing funny about it."