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Expecting Something?

Ayrora
I am a care-giver by nature and in doing so I tend to give too much of myself, finding that in the end there's nothing left of "me." I have had to leave (disconnect) many times just to survive, but in doing so, I've caused pain and confusion with family, friends and even relationships, because when I give, I give freely, which always creates a feeding frenzy. There are those that see this as something that they can count on (expect to happen) whenever their needs are lacking, instead of being thankful for the gift and learning that gifts are priceless and given to those deserving of them, not to those who rely on you to save them from themselves. Here's a few words to ponder, hope it does some good…

Expecting
If you place an order for a product to be shipped to you on a certain date, then of course you expect it to arrive to you on time. If you're pregnant and someone asks you if you're expecting a baby, of course you're expecting a baby, you're definitely not pretending! But, expecting your loved ones to perform acts of love for you is going too far. The minute you decide that your significant other should just simply do something for you because they love you, is the minute you choose to set them up to fail and set yourself up for disappointment. And the love that they give you there after will never be the same, because the things you do for those that you love and care about don't come prepackaged and programmed to fit your time schedule or at the snap of a finger.

Relying
This is a tricky word, as there is nothing wrong with relying on others love and support. On the other hand there's everything wrong with relying on them to perform this on command, as love and support come from the heart not from a robot, and if you try to force this natural action, you risk damaging the caring love that this person feels for you. This type of behavior isn't worth the love and support they could have given you for the rest of your life.

Needy
It's true that we all need things – We need air to breath; water and food if we wish to live, but when does "needing" become "needy"? "When needing is more then simple survival." If you're looking for approval in what you do, you are needy. If you look to others or things for happiness, you are needy. If you take up your significant other's time by throwing temper tantrums, or making them sacrifice all of their time by using guilt tactics, you are needy. If you interrupt your loved ones while they're saying something that's important to them and you are an attention monger, you are needy!

Manipulation
No matter how much you feel you give to someone else, you should NEVER expect him/her to perform exactly how you think they should. Giving is not a gift if you use it to manipulate or weigh out to see if what you're getting in return is of the same value. If you are seeking a healthy relationship then stop treating him/her like a slave, and be pleasantly surprised and thankful in what they do for you.

What do these subtitles have in common? They are co-dependent and self-sabotaging reactions to a priceless action that sets you up so that later you can once again tell yourself that everyone sucks and that's why you are where you are. Blah, blah, blah. Once you've confirmed this with yourself, then you can sit back and wallow pleasantly in your own pity.

What does this have to do with Webmasters? Everything! Because Webmasters tend to be slave-drivers/workaholics who work from home or bring their work home with them at the end of the day, and treat their loved ones as if they owe them for the type of job that they chose – one that I'll add is a lot better then digging ditches for a living.

The bottom line: Expectations lead to disappointment, so why set yourself up to use others as an excuse for your failures? Stop damaging the people that you claim to cherish with your codependent behavior. A good place to begin changing this behavior is by looking in the mirror.

Take care of yourselves! ~ Ayrora

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