opinion

Digital Playground's Cavalcade of Synonyms

Gram Ponante
Digital Playground employs three directors: co-founder Joone, who is in charge of the yearly high-budget movies, Robby D., who makes the lion's share of the company's gonzo releases like Jack's Playground and Deeper, and Celeste (formerly Bunny Luv), who directs the glossy, music video-style couples' projects.

When Joone directs a movie, like Pirates or Island Fever 4, the flick is labeled "A Joone Feature" or "A Joone Film". But Celeste and Robby D. don't have it so easy.

Above is the dirty-mouthed Brit Carmel Moore in the Robby D. "Issue" Red Hot Fox. If I were Gene Shalit, I would say this movie has personality and pizazz! Since I'm not, I will say that Rebeca Linares fucks herself with a dildo shaped like a .44 Magnum and talks dirty in English As A Second Language. Which one gives you a better idea about the movie?

In the same box came the Celeste "Capture" Lascivious Liaisons with Jana Cova in a new haircut.

Then there was the Robby D. "Trick" Naked Aces with Shay J.

I spoke with Digital Playground spokesmodel Anal Load Lee who told me that "the graphics team come up with those names" after first saying there were no Digital Playground movies called "Capture" or "Issue" (those sound like Sex Z movies anyway).

I myself am frequently at a loss for words, often using "parts" when I mean "genitalia". So herewith are several Digital Playground-grade synonyms for "movie" that Digital Playground may use for future Robby D. and Celeste endeavors:

A Robby D. Log// A Celeste Epiphany

A Robby D. Aneurysm// A Celeste Fruit Chew

A Robby D. Fiasco// A Celeste Tongue Bath

A Robby D. Cock Punch// A Celeste Spa Day

A Robby D. Embolus// A Celeste Coaxing

A Robby D. Fusillade// A Celeste Gamboling

A Robby D. Armageddon// A Celeste Deep Impact

A Robby D. Vomit on Low-Pile Frat House Carpet// A Celeste Spritzer

A Robby D. Crack Baby// A Celeste Healthy Protestant Offspring

Previously: Jesse Jane: "Keep your socks on, Alektra!", "Porn flatters itself," sniffs Blu-Ray; Sophia Santi's golden arches

See also: Digital Playground

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