opinion

Report: Danish melons don't smell like melons

Gram Ponante
As you know, this column your one-stop shop for all things Nordic. Kira Eggers responded to some probing questions that I asked her in her native language while wearing a Martin Luther t-shirt.

GP: What is the first word that comes into your head when I say Jutland? Does it sound dirty to you?

KE: No, not at all. It sounds Danish and very country.

GP: I'm a little bit country. I am a fan of Lars von Trier's movies, especially "The Kingdom" (Riget). If I go to a Danish hospital, how likely is it that I will be haunted?

KE: At Riget you will. It is haunted. I was in that movie by the way. I was the one they sacrificed in the basement.

GP: It is difficult to check that information. Every website I find has an "ø" in it. How do you pronounce "ø"?

KE: Let me show you. You just open your mouth like -

GP: Oh My God (drops microphone). Say: here in America we call danishes "danishes". What do you call them? For example, when we eat McDonald's hamburgers, we don't say, "I'm eating an American".

KE: Well, they´re called "basser" and "wienerbrød" and "snegle".

GP: Sure they are. It would be nice if they were called "Gram". Finally, In America, most porn stars I know wear melon-scented body spray. In fact, whenever I smell it I know there is a porn star in the room, even before I see one. What do Danish adult models wear?

KE: We like to go with the more sophisticated stuff. We just dont shower. It gives a unique scent.

Previously: Kira Eggers: Healthier than Lindsey Lohan

See also: Kira Eggers

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