opinion

Your Spring MILFs in the Fertile Crescent

Gram Ponante
"I concentrate on the M in MILF," said Grip Johnson, reclusive co-director of Chatsworth Pictures' MILF Meat 6, in an exclusive MayDay interview. Each of the women in his movie has physically borne a child and, according to my research, vaginally.

As we circle closer to a recognized MILF standard, it is indisputable that the M needs to be respected. Should we then pay attention to the irresponsible demands of the faux-MILF contingent, who say that a woman becomes a MILF as early as 26 regardless of bearing (me) a child?

This is similar to the unity government we are attempting to build in Iraq, with the previously disenfranchised Shiites holding the majority of seats and the Sunnis, who comprised most of Saddam's old party, being thrown a bone to keep the peace.

If you compare the Shiites, who agree with the familial transfer of power from Mohammed's line to ours, to the contingent in Porn that favors an actual motherhood requirement for MILF status, and the Sunnis, who believe in an elected or chosen transfer of power, to those who only have a simple age requirement for MILFhood, well, where do you put the Kurds?

Further complicating matters is that the Shiites are in power only in Iraq and Iran, whereas the Muslim world in general is predominantly Sunni. It as if we are saying that the Porn World, long the focus of scrutiny, is nevertheless top-heavy and given too much weight; an oligarchy determining MILF fucks and fuck-nots.

We might say that Grip Johnson is reformed in his adherence to MILF standards compared to the fundamentalist Jim Powers, who believes that not only must a woman be a mother but also must have children old enough to have friends with sexual designs on her.

MILF Meat 6' performers range in age from 24 to about 38. "I personally don't want to have sex with someone old and broken down," said Johnson.

It is worth noting that, like many who espouse fundamentalist beliefs in any discipline, Powers does not practice what he preaches; I have found that, despite his brimstone rhetoric, some of the MILFs in his movies do not even have children.

But I do not call for a jihad on Powers, for I follow Xenu.

Therefore, though I agree with Powers' hard-line dogma, it is the Johnson Brothers who have most closely manifested the true MILF path in their own lives, and why I confer the International MILF Registry seal of approval on MILF Meat 6.

Read the review here.

Previously: MILF, ass definitions continue to evolve; Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry; Because I could not wait for MILFs...

See also: Chatsworth Pictures

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