opinion

Every picture tells a story pt. LXI

Gram Ponante
Like the Second Amendment, most porn boxcovers are straightforward and don't require expert interpretation. This is unfortunate, because my MacArthur Foundation grant was hustled secured for the very purpose of explaining Porn to a benighted public.

But this one is puzzling. Hustler's All Time Best XXX (anal edition) not only introduces yet another brand of "Best Of"s (that includes "Larry Flynt's Private Collection") to a confused marketplace, but also seems to cross over into the "Married Sex" genre. I don't know whose hand that is, but it's got a wedding ring on it.

"If I buy this," my member of Congress asked me, "can you assure me that this is the all-time best XXX I will ever see?"

"I don't know," I said, noting that the most recent scene in this movie, to be released next week, was shot in 2003, making me wonder why anal sex has so deteriorated that no scenes from the past four years merited inclusion. "I don't know anything anymore."

Another thing I don't know is how many people are in this picture. There might be as many as four. That's someone's knee on the right side of the boxcover. Squinting into the sunlight, covergirl Amy seems surprised, as if God has appeared and she is trying to explain that doing anal with a married man doesn't count as adultery.

Previously: O: The Humanity; Tori Spelling mourns loss with porn; Archaeological porn; Ladyboy or Cenobite?

See also: Hustler

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