opinion

Every picture tells a story pt. LXI

Gram Ponante
Like the Second Amendment, most porn boxcovers are straightforward and don't require expert interpretation. This is unfortunate, because my MacArthur Foundation grant was hustled secured for the very purpose of explaining Porn to a benighted public.

But this one is puzzling. Hustler's All Time Best XXX (anal edition) not only introduces yet another brand of "Best Of"s (that includes "Larry Flynt's Private Collection") to a confused marketplace, but also seems to cross over into the "Married Sex" genre. I don't know whose hand that is, but it's got a wedding ring on it.

"If I buy this," my member of Congress asked me, "can you assure me that this is the all-time best XXX I will ever see?"

"I don't know," I said, noting that the most recent scene in this movie, to be released next week, was shot in 2003, making me wonder why anal sex has so deteriorated that no scenes from the past four years merited inclusion. "I don't know anything anymore."

Another thing I don't know is how many people are in this picture. There might be as many as four. That's someone's knee on the right side of the boxcover. Squinting into the sunlight, covergirl Amy seems surprised, as if God has appeared and she is trying to explain that doing anal with a married man doesn't count as adultery.

Previously: O: The Humanity; Tori Spelling mourns loss with porn; Archaeological porn; Ladyboy or Cenobite?

See also: Hustler

More Articles

profile

Jasun Mark Discusses Dream Job as TitanMen Director

JC Adams ·
profile

2017 XBIZ Trans Performer of the Year Reigns Supreme

Shawn Alff ·
opinion

Dr. Marty Klein Confronts America’s 'Porn Panic' in Latest Book

Ericka Rachelle Mendoza ·
profile

Q&A: The Method to Axel Braun’s Wicked Madness

Alejandro Freixes ·
trends

Cinematic Visionaries Push the Envelope of Adult Filmmaking

Alejandro Freixes ·
trends

Veteran Producers Stay True to Vision, Adapt to Today’s Trends

Alejandro Freixes ·
trends

Porn Overcomes Oversaturation With Revived Focus on Content

Stephen Yagielowicz ·
trends

Creative Forces Expand Gay Industry’s Reach

JC Adams ·
Show More