opinion

Keeping It Juicy: Caffeine and Porn Are Quite Addicting

Juicy Jay

‘I need caffeine,” I groaned like a drug addict needing his next hit.

After all, caffeine is the most desired drug in the world (and widely controlled) despite being commonly produced by more than 63 different plants in the world. The FDA limits caffeine to 0.02 percent of a consumable food or drink. Canada regulates the consumption of caffeine even more heavily than the FDA.

Porn viewers often progressively look for new porn varieties to satisfy their interests, and likewise drink more caffeine products to get the same boost as tolerance builds naturally.

While squeezable water flavorings (like Mio) are sold in stores in the Canada, caffeinated versions of these types of drinks (like Mio Energy) are not available in Canada due to sheer concentration of caffeine combined with optional size of dosage. To put this into perspective, one Mio Energy bottle contains 18 servings with 60 mg of caffeine per serving (1080 mg of caffeine per bottle). A perfectly healthy 150 lb. (68 kg) person could potentially fatally overdose on 10,200 mg of caffeine, easily contained in 10 bottles of the water additive.

That being said, I love the stuff and cannot fathom being able to actually ingest 10 bottles, even when looking for a productivity boost while working hard on the cool new features here at JuicyAds.

While there are documented cases where people have fatally overdosed on caffeine, one urban legend goes that a young man ate a spoonful of powdered caffeine and then washed it down with an energy drink.

Within minutes he vomited and died. Obviously there are no daily suggested limits for sex or porn, but one could argue there’s probably just as many obscure deaths from having sex — it’s just more difficult and probably more fun.

As a business model, caffeine is a product that has a tasty and satisfying delivery that creates enjoyment and a desire for more (similar to porn). Companies like Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and Tim Hortons have fully exploited this with their endless varieties of coffees, lattes and cappuccinos. Just like varieties of niches on your favorite tube site.

It’s not a coincidence that we feel that we need that coffee during the day — we’re actually addicted to it. Caffeine is the most perfect (legal) addiction that not even porn can compare with — you can still get a cup of coffee in countries where porn is illegal. While also highly addictive, the droves of anti-cigarette ads may have actually made smoking less socially acceptable than watching porn in millennials (but there are no studies to support it). Yes, I just compared a cup of coffee with your favorite pornography.

Dopamine is released when you eat or drink something tasty — it’s also released when you watch porn or have sex. This is how our brains bond with enjoyable things, so that you’ll do them more. We’re actually hard-wired for enjoyment and happiness, and it’s the same thing that causes addictions.

However, it’s suggested (but far from proven), sex releases a combination of dopamine and oxytocin (commonly known as the “love drug” but not to be confused with oxycodone — the painkiller).

It’s theoretically possible that porn can provoke a similar release of chemicals in your brain. However, if this reaction occurs at all, it would be during the clip or scene playing at the time of orgasm rather than all the porn viewing and jerking off prior to it.

With the new virtual reality technology inevitably joining with porn, the boundary between real and fantasy will further be broken and there may be dramatic effects on certain people (both good and bad) from it.

The more “real” porn becomes to the observer, the more likely our brains will believe it’s happening to us on a personal level and release that brain chemistry cocktail. One may argue that if you’re in porn production and are not working towards a product related to VR, then you may be missing out on the most addictive and lucrative monetization model we have ever seen. (Feel free to send me your investment pitches.)

Tolerance

Porn viewers often progressively look for new porn varieties to satisfy their interests, and likewise drink more caffeine products to get the same boost as tolerance builds naturally. To experiment for this article, I tripled my daily caffeine intake (not my porn intake) and immediately I was buzzing with energy.

While I was able to productively finish my work on improving our OS banner targeting, I eventually found myself wildly clicking the “like” button on Facebook with unfocused energy later that day. In the week following, there was a wide variety of caffeine-loaded products in my system, but I never recreated the energy and jitters like that first day.

It was more common for me to crash late in the day, and to have restless nights as the intake affected my focus, mood, and sleep patterns. The next day the cycle would repeat where I would initially feel great and productive, and ultimately the wave would crash. The highs got lower and the lows got lower, too.

Within a week I was seeing little to no benefit from the caffeine, despite ever-increasing intake (and trips to the bathroom). Then came the day I stopped drinking caffeine, going against the 54 percent of people who drink coffee on a daily basis.

Withdrawal

Unlike that dopamine-oxytocin double-punch from sex (and possibly porn) there are few documented withdrawal symptoms if you’re not getting laid. That is, aside from being more prone to drunk dialing that girl you met for a late night booty call.

Caffeine on the other hand, is far from withdrawal-free. Many people seem unaware that their daily cup (or three) satisfies the withdrawal symptoms and keeps us drinking more not because there is benefit, but instead only to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms. After a week of dramatically higher intake, I stopped caffeine cold turkey. By our noon team meeting, I had a massive headache and my mood had dropped to “fuck you” levels and I descended into a level of shittyness that was borderline debilitating. I could recall days when I was hungover where I felt better.

So I did what any logical caffeine addict would do. I told myself that as one of the Top 10 advertising networks in the world, JuicyAds needed me to be at my best. So I broke, drank a coffee, and normality soon restored itself. After that day I slowly weaned myself off of caffeine until I no longer got headaches or felt miserable.

Detox for others can take months depending on tolerance and how long someone has been drinking the stuff. Caffeine withdrawal is actually recognized as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), its a real thing. On the other hand, “sex addiction” is not recognized in the DSM as a disorder. That means that your daily cup of coffee might be more damaging than your daily dose of porn.

Just the Tip

For our daily porn-filled days in this industry, there are some tips to using caffeine as a tool instead of like a drug. First, keep in mind before downing multiple cups that caffeine can start working as quickly as 20 minutes and is generally fully metabolized within 45 minutes to an hour.

Second, try to push your first (and subsequent) intake to later in the day and into the early afternoon, rather than starting your day with a cup of coffee. You’ll get a much needed boost in the afternoon, rather than a crash.

Third, if you know that you’ll crash you might be able to engineer your intake to time your crash at the end of the day to promote relaxation and winding down after a busy day in the adult industry.

Fourth, the half-life of caffeine is anywhere from four to six hours, so if you expect to sleep and be productive tomorrow, don’t drink the stuff after mid-afternoon.

Finally, those who more infrequently drink caffeine may actually benefit greater by getting a boost only when necessary (rather than habitually). So give the cup or that energy drink a rest once in a while.

Think about it when you’re drinking your next cup of coffee and keeping it juicy.

Juicy Jay is the CEO and Founder of JuicyAds, the Sexy Advertising Network. You can follow Jay on Twitter @juicyads, or Like on Facebook.com/juicyads.

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