opinion

The things I could perch on Nicole Austin's ass

Gram Ponante
A creative dilemma I wrestle with daily is how to write this site in an ambiguous enough manner so that I never have to say "I would like to have sex with this person I'm writing about".

Extrapolate that to the greater porn world and you have an even bigger problem: doesn't it all boil down to jerking off? How is it possible to make any of that sound classy? I guess one could build enough structural buffers around it and one could conveniently forget that this business is all about naked ladies/fellows and what might be done with them.

Here is Ice-T's wife, Nicole Austin, also known as Coco. Jesus Christ.

Luckily I can avoid being awkwardly vocal about my personal preferences thanks to the filthy-minded Mason, who said, "I could balance a 40 on Coco's ass."

Here are several other items that would perch nicely thereon:

Edoras, Golden Hall of the Rohirrim

Deez Nutz

The 2007 Honda CRV

The Adam Film World building

The Chrysler building

Your mother

The North American Plate

Gondwanaland

The white cliffs of Dover

Belle & Sebastian

Seals & Crofts

Peaches & Herb

Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass

A load

A carrier platform of Harrier Jump Jets

The Pharos Lighthouse

Space

Another 40

I haven't felt this way since I first encountered Not Tiger Woods' Wife.

Previously: Caprica Six gets a ten; Kendra Jade denies bringing her ass

See also: Coco's World

More Articles

profile

Tasha Reign, Mia Li Take Charge of APAC's Mission

Melissa Santana ·
profile

WIA Profile: Bree Mills

Women In Adult ·
trends

Adult Film Producers Discuss Enduring Appeal of DVDs

Alex Henderson ·
trends

Adult Stars Share Tips, Secrets for Career Success

Melissa Santana ·
profile

On the Set: Kay Brandt Blazes Trails in 'Naked'

Shawn Alff ·
profile

2017 XBIZ Trans Performer of the Year Reigns Supreme

Shawn Alff ·
Show More