opinion

Kami Andrews leaves porn, having never been to me

Gram Ponante
Kami Andrews, not because of something I said, has left porn to become a full-time student. To make room for pencil boxes, Trapper Keepers, and gum, she is having a fire sale.

"Help make a hooker a housewife," suggests Kami, though a housewife is not what she's becoming. Were she to become a housewife, though, she would certainly remember Burt Bacharach's and Hal David's stern warning:

Hey! Little Girl

Comb your hair, fix your makeup

Soon he will open the door

Don’t think because there’s a ring on your finger

You needn’t try anymore

For wives should always be lovers too

Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you

I’m warning you…

Day after day

There are girls at the office

And men will always be men

Don’t send him off with your hair still in curlers You may not see him again

For wives should always be lovers too

Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you

He’s almost here…

Hey! Little girl

Better wear something pretty

Something you’d wear to go to the city and Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music

Time to get ready for love

Time to get ready

Time to get ready for love

In addition to dildos, signed magazines, DVDs, and other personalized memorabilia, Kami will be seeling the above dance outfit that will make you forget everything you know about the Village People.

Kami privately retired from porn in March, but as classes are starting in a week she decided to make it official. What will she tell the other adult students in her classes? Perhaps she wiill tell them:

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife

I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do

But, I wish someone had talked to me

Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht

I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got

I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]

Hey, you know what paradise is?

It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be

But you know what truth is?

It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning

The same one you're going to make love with tonight

That's truth, that's love......

Anyway, I am sure we will see Kami again in a different form, and this move will probably boost sales of her catalog, though she won't see a penny of that.

She wavers on continuing to strip and/or perform at bachelor parties.

"I actually love doing them but as you all know I drink like a fish (and worse) when i strip and that's not who I want to be. I mean I'm still hot now but in 5 years damn, that would be ugly."

I will miss Kami. Will we ever see each other again, now that she shuns my industry? Previously: Beyond the Valley of Porn Star Karaoke; Day rate plus anal; Catching up with Kami

See also: Kami Andrews' auction

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