Editor’s Note: ‘Zerped’ from LatinaLovers.net sent me this brief rant, and while it’s only “half an article” it really struck a cord with me, and I am certain that more than a few of you will relate to it, and find it as funny as I did. Those who don’t understand what’s so funny about it, are probably some of the Webmasters whose work is described here. Enjoy this slice of silliness!
In my daily excursions around the world of adult websites, I see evidence that either some of our more recently-arrived citizens are becoming adult webmasters, or perhaps merely evidence that many in our business are just plain ignorant. Everybody makes mistakes, granted. Below are examples of copy quoted verbatim from actual websites. Perhaps you haven't proofread anything since your high school newspaper days. If any of the following look familiar to you, perhaps it would be wise to invest a tiny portion of your content budget in hiring someone with several months' experience in forming complete sentences.
"I wanna feel your tongue on my clit...Spray your hot juicy load all over my body, inside my slut!!!"
(You're the one who wants a hot juicy load all over her body, so you've got no right to call someone else a slut!)
"Lingerie smoking brunette whore"
(Let's have a show of hands of those who have been wasting their time smoking weed!)
"18 scans of killer boob hoinie motivating cocks to stand at attention"
(They're probably standing up to say, "What the hell is a hoinie?")
"Hot couple in the badroom"
(Maybe in the bedroom, maybe in the bathroom; either way, I think "badroom" IS much better)
"She's known to give one of the best blowjobs out there. A quick look at those lips will tell you why she's so good with a cock in her moth."
(In which orifice of the moth is this cock, and who's the horribly mutated gent who can fit his in there? And while we're at it, how is a look at her lips gonna tell me about some guy violating a moth?)
"Another words you choose and fuck the beautiful teen bodies you could imagine."
(Either some are missing here there, or up someone is going mixing their verb tenses to be are.)
"ooh, these pics are really cool, isn't it?"
(As a matter of fact...yes, it are.)
"Enlarge your penis with us. Good advices especially for men."
(First, I'm not having a bunch of strangers in the room with me when I enlarge my penis. Second, I don't care how many advices you give, I don't think you'll find very many women trying to enlarge their penises)
"Anything else? Yes! Even much older bitches could fuck so hardly that you wouldn't belive it if you won't see. Cum and check this out!"
(Belive it? I won't see and already hardly I belive it! Could possibly these much older bitches fuck so hardly that, even after I enlarge my penis with others, it will fit in someone's moth? At least one of these bitches needs to have killer boob hoinie, or I'll have to be satisfied smoking some lingerie)
There you have it! I am not certain whether or not this was funny or just plain sad. While many of you will think that correct spelling and proper grammar are not important when you’re trying to sell porn to a guy who only wants to ‘spank his monkey’ – this digital equivalent to ‘bad breath’ can not only cost you sales, but engender the ridicule of your peers. Can anybody say “spell check?” ~ Stephen