opinion

America's love of pirates

Gram Ponante
Big Dig Dave is a friend of mine from a densely-populated east coast Commonwealth. He builds tunnels and stands far away from them when they occasionally collapse.

I'd sent him my screener copy of Pirates when I was done reviewing it, and he called me today with some new information.

"I rented the softcore version of Pirates at Hollywood Video," He said.

"Why did you do that?" I asked. "I sent you the fully-loaded one."

"Yeah, but I wanted to see what it looked like edited."

"That's insane."

"Yeah, well."

"You're dumb."

"Yeah, well. Anyway, it sucked."

"The softcore version?"

"Yeah. Just when you thought something was going to happen, it didn't," he said.

"That's what a softcore version is all about," I said, trying to rap my mind around renting porn.

"I guess."

I'd received a press release about Pirates this very day.

"The director said that the R-rated version has become a commercial for the X-rated version," I noted.

"I am probably the only person who saw the X-rated version who rented the R-rated version."

"You're such an idiot," I said.

"Yeah," he said.

"So why did you go to Hollywood Video rather than Videosmith?" I asked.

"Videosmith is right down the street, so I like to get in my car and drive to Hollywood Video. It's because I'm an environmentalist."

"Any other reason?"

"My mother goes to Videosmith," he said. Big Dig Dave is 37.

I read him part of the press release, detailing in part Digital Playground's description of the Pirates phenomenon.

"Do you attribute the popularity of this movie to 'a really great cast and the fact that Pirates is an epic movie...as well as people's love for pirates'?"

"Do people in California really have a love for pirates?" he asked me.

"I don't know what they're talking about half the time either," I said.

Previously: Pirates to receive G rating; Pirates, Darwin share Newsweek See also: Digital Playground

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