Balancing the role of parent with that of adult Webmaster is not always easy, but for many of us it is not an option, but a daily exercise in creating a successful environment for both. Since today's Stephen's Birthday I figured an Article might be the perfect gift to give him on such a special occasion, and this is one subject that has been newly introduced to him (wink, wink, hint, hint) I hope it helps him as well as others:
It's been quite a crazy, but fun summer with my teenagers out of school and coming for their usual summer visits to kick back and take their long and needed break at my house. The crazy part being Stephen and I running around our house putting away AVN and Klixxx Magazines and making sure that all items with porn advertisement such as coffee mugs and clothing, etc. were tucked neatly away upon arrival.
Only to find out later that my daughter found my dildo while looking for a hand mirror in the bathroom closet (what a fun 10 minutes of explaining that was). Oh well, she's seventeen and when I was done explaining, to my shock and surprise all she had to say is "it's ok mom, I know what it is and what it does, my friend has one just like it." For some reason her answer didn't make me feel any better and I ended by stupidly setting myself up by following her around the house, frantically asking her way too many questions, that I later wished I hadn't.
Hiding All the Evidence
Now, about hiding your work: This is tricky, because no matter how hard you try, you're always going to miss something, as you just found out from the statement above. But it doesn't mean that you shouldn't try. Even though my kids are conditioned to my noisy bedroom (I'm not a quiet person when it has to do with my orgasms!) and my wandering around the house nude, this doesn't mean that kids aren't affected by the more explicit things that you as an adult may do in this industry.
Ask yourself this question when it comes to making a choice to keep business separate from family time: "Is this something that my kids need to see in order to have a better life?" and if you have a hard time answering this question or feel at all uncomfortable about them seeing certain adult things that have to do with your business, then you should probably keep it separate. After all, this is why it's called 'Adult Entertainment' and it really is only 'your' business:
Working at Odd Hours
As a model and Webmistress of my own site, and full time parent, time is a juggling act, and as any parent would know, there is never enough time in a day. That being said and knowing that in this business you can't always work out in the open around your kids, you find the times that make it work for both. I personally find that during the day when my kids are out playing on the beach or watching television that this is an excellent time for me to go in to my office, shut the door, and do what a Webmaster does best.
During the day, there are times that I take to just spend time with them, whether it is to go to the Mall or swimming, etc. a few hours is what I've found is all they really require of my presence. In the evening after they are in their rooms asleep or close to it, I'm off to the studio for a shoot or in the bedroom for a late night last-minute video show. A Webmaster's job is never done, but that is my routine, and when the clock strikes 12pm. my day ends with a bubble bath and a few cups of sake'. The point being, find a way to make it all fit, it doesn't have to be the way other's do it, just make your job fit around your family and your day, and if you're happy, they'll be happy too:
Young'ns vs. Teenagers
I started in this industry when my kids were just little ones with no cares in the world except which cartoon was on next and if the Ice Cream Man was coming today. All has changed since their hormones have taken over and are racing out of control at top speed. Now they are sticking their noses where they don't belong, especially if they see anything that has to do with sex. Not like there's anything wrong with that, but in this industry and all it's vivid fetish glory, I have no problem censoring their sex hungry curiosities from my business, because as their parent I also have a job to protect them from learning things too soon. Things that aren't necessary to display to developing minds that are just beginning to choose their own paths and personal forte' when it has to do with sex.
Just How Truthful Should You Be?
This is a question that I've often been asked and the answer is different in each case. First I must add that I'm not ashamed of my job and I'm very comfortable with my sexuality. Not much in this business or in sexual life shocks or embarrasses me. I have a curious nature and I personally think that people's intimate desires are just a way to express themselves, sort of a therapy. Whether it is good or bad is not for me to judge, but if I do feel uncomfortable about something in the sexual realm, this is when I move on. But I digress.
The reason I say that the answer is different in each case is because, if your 5 year old came up and asked you what you are doing while you're adding content to your site, there is no need to explain in great detail what your doing or even what your job is. This is too much information for a 5 year old and they wouldn't understand it anyway. Although if your 15 year old came up to you and asked the same question, it's not necessary to give them all the details, but don't beat around the bush either. Be honest enough about your job to satisfy their curiosity or you will only make a further issue out of it for them to interrogate or keep digging for more answers. If you don't feel comfortable about them knowing that you work in the adult entertainment business, when do you think you will feel comfortable? Because most kids nowadays are educated and computer savvy enough to eventually find out.
Last but not least, if you are a parent or are going to be a parent and you work in this industry, if you forget everything else or don't agree with what I've said, at least remember this: your children are the next generation and as parents, part of your job is to make sure that their life with you is a healthy and secure one, because what they do next affects us all: ~ Ayrora