opinion

Show Them A Little Respect

Stephen Yagielowicz

Bitches, sluts, whores, and worse: they are known by many names, all of which serve to demean, degrade, and devalue the very people who enable our industry; providing food and shelter for our families, and making the world a bit "happier" in the process:

They are our mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives. They are real people, and in need of (and deserving of) our respect. While it may be hard to picture "mom" fellating a donkey while being anally "fisted" by a drunken dwarf, the fact is that these girls had a life before porn, and will most likely have one after. A life in which they will love and hopefully be loved, where they can live happily without the hypocritical scorn of those who once paid their often woefully inadequate salaries - whether directly as producers and other content providers, or indirectly through adult Web site memberships, magazine subscriptions, video rentals, and more.

There is something in the human nature that makes us want to be "better" than the next person, passing judgment on one another because of their appearance, skin color, religion, or lifestyle. This can be the hypocritical "holier than thou" attitude of good church going folk who can see the "splinter in another's eye while ignoring the beam in their own," or it can just as easily be the jealousy of the insecure, or the pity of the haughty. Whatever the source of the emotion, it often reflects a basic misunderstanding of who these girls are.

Making A Choice
While the mainstream media, self-serving organizations, and even some of the girls themselves who look for a scapegoat for their sins, tend to portray the women of porn as "victims" who were somehow manipulated (or worse yet, forced against their will) into adult entertainment by wicked men, the fact remains that all of these women made a choice to do what they do. The fact also remains that if there was not a market for their services, there would not even have been a choice to be made in the first place.

While the assumed demographic of "porn chicks" may represent a higher percentage of sexually, physically, and verbally abused women than the general population, this is not necessarily a cause and effect scenario, especially when you talk to a few of these ladies about what they do and why they do it.

Sure, some girls are sexually starved exhibitionists who really enjoy the thrill of sharing their beauty for all to see. Others are single moms trying to care for their families, while others still may be coeds working their way through school - and even graduates unable to realize the same rewards in the profession they were trained for.

This choice of lifestyle can be surprising too. Consider my wife, an "amateur porn star" who wanted to live comfortably in the mountains of Northern California, where the jobs are as scarce as the traffic jams she left behind in L.A. A few hours each night, she would sit alone, quietly in the anonymous comfort of her mountain cabin, chatting with her Web site's members. No one else was involved; and while she provided long-distance pleasure to countless men, this did not make her "a whore." She is in fact the kindest, sweetest, and most loving woman that I have ever met - and believe me, that is saying something. And she is "real" — a valuable commodity.

Low Self-Esteem?
Another misconception is that "porn chicks" all have remarkably low self-esteem. This is also not true, and here is another story to illustrate this fact: It was my first InterNext (at the Monte Carlo), and also my first trip to Las Vegas. I was alone, and loaded with cash. It was the Saturday night before the show, and I was staying in a suite at the Luxor, lonely and looking for, well, not love really, but: I let my fingers do the walking through the "Yellow Pages" (as a more experienced friend had suggested) examining the endless "escort services" ads, finally ordering myself up an 'Asian Party Doll.'

20 minutes later, a 4'11" beauty who couldn't have weighed no more than 90lbs showed up at my door. "Katana" was her name, and from the waist length black hair, pierced tongue, "Ninja Scroll" tattoo down the length of her back, pert little breasts, and an ass the size of a grapefruit, she was everything that I had asked for - "or so I thought." As the formalities got under way, it quickly became apparent that the television version of prostitution (often portrayed as a quick blowjob for $20 - what I was really hoping for, btw) was not the case at all. In fact, this 19 year old wanted $1600 for an hour of sex! When I exclaimed that I had never seen a $1600 pussy before, it was then that I learned to never argue with a prostitute that's been ordered and delivered: Low self-esteem? Hardly. This girl had way more self-esteem than the girl next door who'll give it up for dinner and a movie. The little Asian bitch left me broke and unsatisfied, but I learned a few valuable lessons — and then some!

While these two examples are not a scientifically valid sampling of the industry, they represent the "typical" adult entertainer that I have encountered in this business: a well adjusted, sweet young lady with a good head on her shoulders that doesn't see anything wrong with having a little "safe" fun behind her computer, in exchange for a handsome pay-off. To a much sadder story of a young girl using her body to prey on lonely men who would give their last dime for even a sniff, I'm sure that much happier stories can be found too.

Pandering to Sleaze
We as adult content marketers play a part in the de-humanizing of women, a situation that we perceive as being profitable, while in fact it is morally reprehensible. A case in point is a hunk of my morning dose of spam that read: "Give the bitch a bottle of tequila and she's anyone's (and everyone's). Make her do completely stupid shit like this and take photos."

While I can personally attest to some of the insane (and yes quite voluntary) antics of girls who enjoy an excess of tequila, I don't feel that this approach is really acceptable. There must be a way in which the beauty of women and the joy of sex can be promoted in a way that does not degrade the "talent" being portrayed. I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this, but I just think that this is one area where adult Webmasters are part of the problem, and so can be part of the solution. And yes, I too use some rather "rude" text links and descriptions on my sites; a poor practice that I will be moderating in the future.

Well, I'll get off my "high horse" now and stop preaching to you. I'll go back to my work bringing beautiful women to the masses, and try to do it in a much more "tasteful" way. And the next time you're in a video chat (or photo) session with a model you believe to be a "cum crazed slut" and decide to treat her with the disrespect that you think she deserves, just remember that she is someone's daughter, and treat her like a human being instead. She deserves it. ~ Stephen

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