SLIQUID H2O
SALES CONTACT: DEAN@SLIQUID.COM

He Says: Lubes, shmoobs. All the same if you ask me. Well, so I thought until I did some research and found out about all the junk in most of them. So along comes this big bear of a man at one of the trade shows, Dean Elliott, who sets me straight with scientific explanations of body chemistry, composition, elements, and whoa, too much information for my little brain to comprehend. However, by the end he had me convinced his Sliquid line of personal lubricants were not only safe, but convinced me to slather a little on the missus, who is highly sensitive to anything short of my, um, natural "oral" wetness. H2O, which is Sliquid's water-based formula, mingled with her natural, er, juices and stayed slick until I could hold out no longer. FIVE ORGASMS!

She Says: Luckily, I get moist just thinking about Brad Pi—, I mean my husband, so any old lubricant usually sufficed, except the occasional brand that caused mild skin reactions. The big goombah my husband's talking about gave me just enough knowledge to get me researching and I learned all about parabens, dimetha-whatever and glycerin and their effects on our sensitive love spots. H2O contains nothing artificial and mingled nicely with my natural moisture to create just the right condition for long, hot times. FIVE ORGASMS.

FUN FACTORY DELIGHT
SALES CONTACT: INFO@FUNFACTORY.DE

He Says: As the luckiest man on earth when it comes to a willing wife and her comfort level in giving me a "show," so to speak, I have to admit I was more than anxious to see the Delight in action. It's not suitable to use together, as the shape simply doesn't lend itself to the nooks and crannies created after locking bodies; but after watching her gush forth after only a few minutes with this product, I certainly can't complain. Kudos to Fun Factory for somehow pulling off straddling the line between fun and chic. (Even the packaging is sexy.) FIVE ORGASMS.

She Says: Wow, when I saw this product in a competitor's ad, I just had to have one. I placed a call to our Fun Factory representative and was told we had to be "evaluated" for "suitability" to sell it as they are trying to be discerning about where the Delight is sold and how it's presented. Fair enough. But as co-owner of a fairly high-end "sexual health boutique," along with the fact that we move hundreds of pieces of their stuff on a monthly basis, it wasn't too hard to acquire this beauty and put it to the test. And what a test it was; I'm quite adept at ejaculating and this curvy wonder had me racing for towels in less than five minutes. The only drawback is the red glow emitted from the button controls, which shined in my eyes, Terminatorstyle, without any way to shut it off. A minor quibble to be sure. FOUR ORGASMS.

FLESHLIGHT
SALES CONTACT: INFO@FLESHLIGHTMEDIA.COM

He Says: I don't get much opportunity to masturbate. Owning a sexual boutique and having access to hundreds of items, along with a wife who is rarely unwilling to engage in the nasty, the amount of sex I have is astounding — even after 20 years of marriage. This fact usually results in companies sending us only items we can review together, leaving us to actually purchase things outside the realm of couples play. The Fleshlight was just such a product, picked up at the Pleasure Chest after a vehement recommendation from the manager. I took it home, grabbed an adult flick, some Sliquid lube, and inserted Mr. Happy into the small opening. DAMN, that feels GOOD! Like, really good. Like, almost better than the real thing. Seriously. Within literally seconds, I'd climaxed and laid back, loving the fact it didn't want to have a discussion or cuddle afterward. And cleanup was ridiculously easy. Just take the sleeve out of the plastic housing, flip it inside out, and rinse with soap and water. Could this be my new best friend? FIVE ORGASMS.

She Says: My honey is masturbating? What? Well, fine. What he didn't mention was that I made him let me watch him with his new "best friend," threatening to pull the plug on his little "shows" if he didn't comply. Funny thing is that watching a man with a giant plastic thing around his penis just isn't very sexy. Oh well, at least he had a smile on his face. Orgasm rating for me is not applicable.

STOCKROOM.COM FLEECE-LINED WRIST CUFFS
SALES CONTACT: ANN-MARIE HOLMAN, AHOLMAN@STOCKROOM.COM, (213) 484-3882

We Say: As only mild participants in BDSM, we usually have been content to play with less intimidating cuffs and restraints, such as those from Sportsheets, Spartacus Leathers and Liberator. The leather pieces on our store walls have always enticed us, but it wasn't until we received a shipment of fleece lined leather cuffs from Stockroom.com that we finally felt comfortable taking the plunge. Sturdily built right here in Hollywood, Calif., these are no low-quality Chinese dreck; instead, the fleece is comfortable, yet binding, and we love "that leather smell" that seems to trigger long past memories. (Our parent's old sedan seats, perhaps?) Worthy of a permanent place in our bedroom arsenal, we've now "graduated" to the ankle restraints and who knows where it'll take off from there? FIVE ORGASMS.

For more Freddy and Eddy, visit FreddyandEddy.com or check out their couples-friendly retail store at 12613 Venice Blvd. in Los Angeles. To contact them, email freddy@freddyandeddy.com.