Home > Features > What Would Luke Skywalker Do? • Bookmark   • Newsletters   • Register Search Options


What Would Luke Skywalker Do?

What Would Luke Skywalker Do?

May 17, 2005
Text size: 
Get XBIZ News
XBIZ Research
Will virtual reality boost the paysite market?
Yes, it will soon
Yes, but in a few years
Out of 179 votes. Results based on votes submitted by members of XBIZ.net social network.
As you know, I cannily stay away from the tantrums and dramas of the workaday porn world with its petty jealousies, sublimated need for approval, and stench of failure because of my desire to not have my legs broken by the Mossad. But I feel an itch to weigh in, such as I may, on the subject of the gang at Sexy Outdoor Sports having sex next to freshly-killed animals.


I and Ted Nugent agree that - well, Ted and I agree on everything. It's a free-for-all.

I believe it is of paramount importance that people have sex next to as many things as possible. The Gutenberg Bible, Shakespeare's original folios, and the Lindbergh Baby are just three examples of what I have had sex next to in my illustrious career. Once I delivered a Cream-filled Ass Pie in immediate proximity to the archaeological dig that disovered the earliest-known hominid.

To that end, I must address the oversaturation of Ms. Britney Rears.

I think Jeff Mullen and the naturalized citizens of All Media Play are doing a fine job of shoving the former Sherman Oaks health store clerk formerly known as Jessica Sweet down our throats. It is important in a crowded porn marketplace that the media and public be kept apprised of where Britney Rears is signing, what radio programs she has appeared on, and what Danny Bonaduce thinks of her, because all porn success is measured through the grainy filter of low-wattage mainstream celebrity.

Still, I think it would be good if Britney staged a real event to endear her to us all the more.

I would make a modest proposal, then, that Britney Rears not only kill her own elk but also shoot an anal scene inside the steaming cavity where once its cervine entrails lay.

You know, like a tauntaun.


E-Stim Basics: Selling Customers on Powerboxes as Pleasure Tools

Electrosex is a commonly misunderstood pleasure practice for good reason: Most of us have negative associations with electricity; maybe we’ve been shocked after rubbing our feet across a carpeted... More »

Search Oftentimes Is Left to Chance

Adult content is frowned upon in search, whether in paid, organic or social. With the big algo updates from the past few years, Google has cleaned up search, trying to get rid of spammy and low-quality... More »

Five Tips to Generate Repeat Business

A $50 sale is great. But what if you could get that same $50 sale to come back four times in the next few months? Here are some ideas how to achieve that. 1) On your receipts, you should have an option... More »
Stay informed of the latest industry developments. Get XBIZ newsletters delivered to your inbox. Subscribe today!
Enter email address:

* To manage existing subscriptions click here.

Submit your press release to
multiple news outlets with 1 click.
Subscribe to RSS news feeds or
add free content to your website.
Access XBIZ news and articles
with your mobile device.
Access the latest issues of the industry's leading trade publications in digital form. View online or download for offline viewing.


Everything To Do With Sex Show

Jan 20 - Jan 22
Montréal, Québec

Everything To Do With Sex Show

Jan 27 - Jan 29
Halifax, Nova Scotia

The European Summit

Mar 04 - Mar 07
Barcelona-Sitges, Spain

The TEA Show

Mar 05 - Mar 06
Hollywood, CA
Everyday thousands of business professionals browse XBIZ's industry directory for quality products and services. Not listed yet? Your company could be losing potential new business. Submit your company today!
Use XBIZ RSS feeds to stay informed of the latest industry developments or as a content syndication tool for your website!