opinion

Teagan fronts <i>Front</i>

The life of a porn publicist must be tough. Professionals like myself learn to read between the lines of press releases and will gradually understand that a PR person's day is not all about chasing naked starlets around with feather dusters, pleading with them to stop eating their carrots off of Gram Ponante.

Digital Playground's recent release about Teagan Presley's gracing the cover of the U.K.'s Front magazine does not begin with the usual 18 pt. DIGITAL PLAYGROUND. Instead, it asks, "if posting, please use attached art."

If it weren't for my fear that Digital Playground, like Birnam Wood, would move to the Dunsinane that is my house and burn it down, I might post another picture, maybe of Welcome Back Kotter's Marcia Strassman. But I shan't. Do you know why? Because Digital Playground pays me $250,000 every time I mention their company.

But the question remains: What made DP PR goddess Adella plead for attached art? Did someone post some non-Teagan art?

In the meantime, let's look at Teagan. She's wearing a tie and shoes but no suit. How did she get the suit off without removing her tie and shoes? She is one talented lady. You should go out right now and purchase all of her films in which she has sex with people.

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