Home > Features > The Pains of Modeling • Bookmark   • Newsletters   • Register Search Options


The Pains of Modeling

The Pains of Modeling

May 11, 2007
Text size: 
Get XBIZ News
XBIZ Research
Will virtual reality boost the paysite market?
Yes, it will soon
Yes, but in a few years
Out of 179 votes. Results based on votes submitted by members of XBIZ.net social network.

" After I washed away those layers of foundation, those eyes would still be the same. "

My name is Holly Randall — usually best known as the daughter of Suze Randall, one of the adult industry's most established and prolific photographers. Ever since I was 12, I knew I wanted to be a photographer, though I must admit that I did not expect to follow my mother down the pornographic path.

At 20, I agreed to leave photography school to help my parents with the business, and I haven't looked back since.

Fast forward eight years and I'm still working for my parents and shooting more and more as my mother slowly retires into her horse-breeding obsession.

After several years as a professional behind the camera, coaxing young girls into appreciating their beauty and sexuality, it was time for me to try on their shoes.

A friend of mine, Beatrice, who as a photographer I respected very much, had been bugging me to let her shoot me — nude, of course. It took quite a lot of nagging, with me stalling and saying I needed to lose weight (and of course not trying to), before I finally gave up and said yes. But, I insisted, I would not show anything explicit — no boobs, no vagina.

I didn't want to model for explicit photographs because I am not an exhibitionist and I'm not comfortable with my body — but also because I try to cast an image as a businesswoman, and I felt that naked pictures of me would detract from the impression I was trying to build.

So the date was set, the makeup artist and hair-stylist were booked, and it was decided that I would be shot naked on one of my mom's horses. The idea sounded good at the time because I could hide all my naughty bits by laying across the horse, and of course, I grew up competing horses for 13 years and was very comfortable being on top of one. Plus, I remembered this gorgeous picture of Cindy Crawford on a horse, and I wanted to be that image. Never mind that I look nothing like Cindy Crawford.

On the day of the shoot, the makeup and hair team showed up, and Beatrice and I showed them around the property, explaining exactly how the shot would be set up and how we'd like the style to come out. The makeup artist seemed satisfied, looked around the room, and, clasping his hands together, exclaimed, "So! Where's this gorgeous model of ours?"

Sheepishly, I had to let him know it was me. If I were a girl of lower self-esteem, I would have run from the room crying at the obvious look of disappointment that crossed his face. Instead, I laughed, grateful that I was not a model and did not have to rely on a makeup artist's opinion of my plain-Jane looks to shape my identity.

After too many false eyelashes, which made my eyes feel like I'd fallen asleep with my contact lenses in, the hair-stylist put in big blond extensions that made me look like a dust mop.

After the "magic," the makeup artist cried "Voila!" and spun me around to look in the mirror.

The girl staring back at me was not me. It was some chick with way too much makeup on and big hair that felt really heavy on my head. Not that I looked bad, it just freaked me out that a stranger looked back at me in the mirror.

I stepped a bit closer and looked into my eyes. They were still a grayish green, with gold flecks floating around the iris. There was still a look of lost uncertainty — from a fear of stripping naked in front of strangers and trying to be something I'm not. Yup, it was still me. After I washed away those layers of foundation, those eyes would still be the same.

My eyes flicked back to the makeup artist, who looked concerned. "Looks good," I said flippantly. "Let's do this."

The horse was hairy and uncomfortable to sit naked on. It was hot and I was sweating, and Beatrice wanted to shoot one more roll. I just wanted to be done. I didn't give a damn anymore if we got the right picture.

This was a far cry from my attitude behind the lens. I started to realize what an enormous pain in the ass modeling is, and I really started to appreciate the girls who pose for me. Who has this kind of patience?

I remembered last week when I told my mom about my modeling gig — since she started off as a model — she was only happy to offer advice.

'Modeling is like a dance, dahling," she drawled, martini in hand. "Like a dance, you just move … and dance …" She trailed off, a half-smile on her face, swaying to some kind of bohemian rhapsody that apparently only she could hear.

Cut back to the present. This was not a fucking dance — there were goddamn flies attacking me, dust and sweat was getting in my eyes, and I was trying to suck in my gut and somehow lift my thigh slightly off the horse so my leg didn't resemble the Hoover Dam. It was uncomfortable, boring, and I've never felt less sexy in my life.

When the pictures came back, out of at least a hundred shots, I picked nine. I even wanted to edit those down, but I realized I would end up with only one or two photographs, so I decided to stop being my own worst critic.

There are two images in the nine that I really like. One of them I absolutely love, and as a photographer, I know that's all you can hope for — one fantastic image that makes the entire day worthwhile.

Although I love that picture, and I plan on framing it for my home, the entire experience made me realize that I truly was not cut out to be in front of the camera. It takes the skill of a girl far more beautiful, far more confident and far more patient than I. And I'm more than happy to leave that job to the experts.


Grand Slam Media CEO Luke Hazlewood Hits It Out of the Park

Grand Slam Media Inc. CEO Luke Hazlewood’s view of the advertising business is one that seems to have solid roots. He says that in an ever-changing marketplace it is a better protocol to lead rather... More »

2017 XBIZ Webstar of the Year Harriet Sugarcookie Dares to Evolve

Start with a heaping helping of charming personality, sprinkle a dash of delightful quirky antics, then lather the final product with a whopping dollop of sensual sweetness… and what do you get?... More »

2017 XBIZ Trans Performer of the Year Reigns Supreme

It’s easy to see Aubrey Kate now — the modelesque, blonde bombshell — and dismiss her recent awards in the erotic arts as inevitable. It’s easy to say that she was simply born with... More »
Stay informed of the latest industry developments. Get XBIZ newsletters delivered to your inbox. Subscribe today!
Enter email address:

* To manage existing subscriptions click here.

Submit your press release to
multiple news outlets with 1 click.
Subscribe to RSS news feeds or
add free content to your website.
Access XBIZ news and articles
with your mobile device.
Access the latest issues of the industry's leading trade publications in digital form. View online or download for offline viewing.


XBIZ Retreat

May 30 - Jun 03
Miami, Florida

XBIZ Miami 2017

May 30 - Jun 02
Miami, Florida

XShow 18+ 2017

Jun 01 - Jun 03
Moscow, Russia

Cam Summit

Jun 02 - Jun 04
Lloret de Mar, Spain
Everyday thousands of business professionals browse XBIZ's industry directory for quality products and services. Not listed yet? Your company could be losing potential new business. Submit your company today!
Use XBIZ RSS feeds to stay informed of the latest industry developments or as a content syndication tool for your website!