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To Be Or Not To Be...

To Be Or Not To Be...

May 30, 2002
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" Such a strange country we live in where enjoying sexual pleasures can be cause for families to disown their loved ones, and people to snub their noses in disgust, all while watching the Playboy channel on satellite TV behind closed doors. "

How many times did you ask yourself that question before choosing the path of adult entertainment? Yes, it is true that some of us jump in without a parachute before thinking things through carefully, and I'm one of those kind of people, but this is one path that I did at least think about before taking that big leap.

To be in the porn industry, one either becomes a spectacle on display — like a fish in a fish bowl, or quietly sneaks around, hiding his business until he gets caught literally with his pants down. Not because he's ashamed; but because of the problems and confrontation he'll have otherwise.

Life's dirty little four letter word
Yes the word is 'Porn.' Porn, Porn, and one more time, PORN! Something most people have a problem with saying, and when asked if they've ever been curious about it, just watch them squirm. Silly isn't it? Such a strange country we live in where enjoying sexual pleasures can be cause for families to disown their loved ones, and people to snub their noses in disgust, all while watching the Playboy channel on satellite TV behind closed doors. Ok, I'm sure there are a few Saints still out there that would beg to differ with me, as they try to go through life spanking the hands of children who have found pleasure in their own little 'pee pees' for the first time, praying for all of us to find our way out of sin, and into the ways of the uptight rightous.

An uptight place
I know, I know, all you wanted to do is have a little fun and make a lot of money and since sex is fun and 'sex sells,' why not try your luck at it? If you look at it like that, it seems so easy, but I can tell you that in this world of sexually dysfunctional, unhappy and unsatisfied folks who can't wait for a chance to have a therapy moment, you are going to be the target. The big red bulls eye that will bring a great release to those uptight people, who haven't had a good orgasm in a very long time, if ever. So instead, you sneak around whispering about your business and padding the walls for your next sex video fest, hoping that know one asks you one more fucking time what you do for a living, damn it!

What is normal?
I'm still trying to figure out why it is that people strive to be normal and what normal is. Is normal the way to appear perfect, or a way to hide? If I choose to be 'normal' (other's perceptions) have I made my life easier, or have I just deceived myself; trying to be something I'm not, and selling my sole to survive in the world of the 'norm?' Why would I do that when I was mentored by my 'Gramps' who taught me to eat my dessert first, 'because life's too short?' He taught me how to take life, and live it like I only had one more day; and believe me, if you only had one more day to enjoy it, I'm sure it wouldn't be a 'normal one.'

Driving around town the other day, I pulled up behind a shiny new Jaguar that was stopped at a stoplight. As I sat there waiting for the light to turn green, I noticed that on the Jaguar's license plate the only thing it said was "BE." Eventually the light turned green, and the car roared away, leaving me in deep thought about what that meant. I can remember when I was a child being asked what I would 'be' when I grew up, and since then I've been a lot of things, professionally and otherwise, but I never understood what that word really meant, until that very moment, when reading that simple little word on a license plate...

I immediately went home and went to the dictionary to find out what the definition was, and this is what I found out about that little word that means so much ~

>> To exist in actuality; have life or reality: I think, therefore I am

What does this all have to do with porn? "Everything and nothing." It just means that I've been in this business long enough to see and live a lot of different ways. I have the knowledge to know that it's just life, and porn just happens to be a part of it. That 'normal,' is just a perception, and life is only as easy as you make it!

What will I 'be' when I grow up? "I will be me," and if that gets some others panty's in a bunch, "Take a chill pill, it's just life!" I plan to experience it my way, because I can and I hope you do the same! ~ Ayrora


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