The Death of A Porn Star
There comes a time for many people in the adult entertainment business where they take a look inwards and decide that this type of life no longer holds any interest for them. Regardless of their reasons, there comes a day when they wake up and say "enough is enough." For Dawn Elizabeth, that day was yesterday:
I met her at InterNext. A tall, thin, country girl - dressed like "Annie Oakley" in her fringed leather jacket, knee high leather cowboy boots, and tight jeans that looked as though they were spray painted on her tiny little behind. Her long, curly black hair flowed over her shoulders and down her back as she glided across the show floor, studying the various offerings at each and every booth. Then she saw me:
I just stood there, staring wide-eyed at her, the familiar look of a hungry wolf sizing up his prey. She knew right away that I was trouble, and as she tried to turn and head back the other way, I pounced upon her and used my very best pick-up line: "Miss, would you like some cookies?" It worked (of course!) and I soon had her literally eating out of my hand as I explained the benefits to be had from using 'Brand Y' over that of our 'competition.'
She tried to play it cool as I swam deeply in her eyes, burning her soul with my steely gaze, and as she tried to escape what was yet another guy just trying to slip 'inside,' she realized that I was now following her; a hungry dog chasing the scent of a kitty in heat, and in hot pursuit of the same. Engaging me in conversation, she revealed that she was an amateur porn star, and had been running a successful site for a few years now, but was looking for a change, and hoped that she'd find it at the show. She did. Four months later we were married, and living in Las Vegas...
What Comes Around, Goes Around
Life in the desert was all that I thought, hoped, and dreamed it would be — and more! It was also something that I knew I would soon tire of, and as our talk turned to 'change' my wife pulled out a shiny CD-Rom and said, "check it out." It was a copy of her web site, made before she took it offline, before she came out to be with me. I hadn't seen it yet, as she 'pulled the plug' right after InterNext; but the few pics she had emailed me in those few months we were apart had kept me 'on the hook' — and as I looked over her photo archives and collection of video clips, I heard her voice say at the same time as I heard my own thoughts: "we could do much better than this..."
It took me more than half a year to get used to the idea that I could actually sell naked photos and videos of MY WIFE on the Internet, an idea that troubled me much more than did selling naked photos and videos of somebody else's wife, sister, daughter, mother, or girlfriend on the Internet. After all, I'm an old fashioned boy at heart, and it just didn't seem right to me - still, my wife's a beautiful lady, and by trade I'm a working professional photographer. Why couldn't we build a new site that celebrated the beauty and the raw sexual energy that I found within her?
A bit of discussion in a hot bubble bath later, she decided to drop her old 'stage' name, and assume a new identity for this new endeavor. She would build a new site, and she would avoid all of the problems and the 'mistakes' that had made her decide to leave the business once before. A wild gypsy girl with a strong cat-like nature, refined with the wisdom of a girl not quite '40' but far older than that, 'Lady Jag' was born: Maybe this wasn't really 'fun' after all. Maybe the whole idea of being an 'amateur porn star' was not as exciting as it once was.
The Same Old Song and Dance, My Friends:
For awhile, everything was going great. We took photos, we shot videos, she wrote sex stories. The 'art' that we created celebrated our love-making, and put money in the bank. LJ documented her experiences and insights in a handful of articles for Xbiz, and tried to help others who were following along the pathway that she herself had traveled before. It was a lot of fun while it lasted, but the same feelings that somehow doing all of this was 'wrong' kept creeping into her head. Maybe this wasn't really 'fun' after all. Maybe the whole idea of being an 'amateur porn star' was not as exciting as it once was. The world didn't change, she did:
Evolution, revolution, or whatever else you want to call it, today her members will try to enter her site and be redirected to one of mine. 'ibill' will be issuing refunds, and life will go on as an era comes to an end: As quickly as the name was born, 'Lady Jag' has died. In it's place is the shy little girl that I married, that sweet child known as "Dawn Elizabeth."
It's really easy to forget that the personalities in this business are really 'people.' People who wake up in the morning and who have to look themselves in the mirror, and live with what they see reflected there: Sometimes that reflection doesn't fit who we are anymore, and just like the comfortable clothes that once fit us so well, but are now too tight to wear, it's time for a change. I frequently tell my readers to take things seriously as it's the road to success. Today I'm writing a reminder that sometimes we can take things, and ourselves, too seriously, and too far, and we all should be willing to grow. Take care of yourselves: ~ Stephen