opinion

<i>12 Nasty Girls Masturbating</I>

Because I am functionally autistic (does that turn you on?) things often need to be made concrete for me. That is why I appreciate descriptive titles like Madness Pictures' 12 Nasty Girls Masturbating v. 6.

It is also why I like art such as "Dogs Playing Poker".

But director Steve Austin said something that made me sad.

“I love girls who can make you come, just by what they say," he reported of 12 Girls narrator Isis Love.

I have never had that experience. Any woman who has ever tried to coax my Liquid Nation Builder from me just by talking has failed. An example:

Person X: Grams, I will make you come just by talking.

Me: Knock yourself out.

Person X: You have a huge cock.

Me: It has been said, and widely reported.

Person X: I have a tight pussy and an Associate's in goo gobling from Cal State-Northridge.

Me: OK.

Person X: Do you know what I'd like to do with it?

Me: Why don't you just do it instead of talking about it? You're two feet away. Don't you have arms?

Person X: I don't like the way you're talking to me.

Me: I don't like that you're talking. Weren't you sent over here to secure an Editor's Choice?

I hope that some day my incapacity to blow a Frictionless Load® will be cured, but for now I will have to depend on this Chloe Sevigny doll from the Brown Bunny life-size action figures set.

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