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Blogger Spotlight: Incidental Storyteller

Blogger Spotlight: Incidental Storyteller

February 15, 2012
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" I have a very open relationship with my readers and do communicate with them regularly. "

The Internet is vastly known as a hub for interpersonal relationships. Consumers “friend” and “follow” strangers to stay updated and knowledgeable on everything that interests or concerns them, from hobbies and entertainment to health and wellness to shopping advice. For potential sex toy shoppers, bloggers can provide that discreet comfort, knowledge and advice to open up the doors to consumption.

In the first installment of Blogger Spotlight, XBIZ introduces the business-to-business community to DeadCowGirl.com, a blog penned by a former dominatrix–turned–mommy blogger who doles out personal experiences, kinky sex advice and honest sex toy reviews for her crop of readers.

What is your goal with your blogging?

I’ve had several blogs over the years for different reasons. A food blog, a vintage blog, a dominatrix and kink blog, a family blog, a secret infertility blog, but, none of them got the attention they deserved because by the time I figured out WHICH blog to write on, I was no longer interested in writing — having too many restrictions gives me writer’s block. In July 2010, I decided to go with a secret blog so I could just be me. I don’t need to worry about offending friends, family, clients or other sex workers. It also means I can be very forthcoming about issues around infertility and sexuality. Writing and documenting is an outlet for me and that was originally why I started Dead Cow Girl. However, I have realized that a lot of my fellow mommy bloggers like having a sex positive mommy blogger to educate, inform and entertain them. And I like being there to encourage them to explore in the bedroom.

How does your experience — both personal and in your profession — serve your readers?

I think writing about being a mom and infertile helps my readers relate to me on a personal basis. We have something in common which makes me approachable, so when they have a question about vibrators or anal play or what exactly sounds are, they can ask me. Umpteen years as a dominatrix means I usually have an answer for them.

How would you describe your relationship with your readers? How do you communicate with them?

I have a very open relationship with my readers and do communicate with them regularly. I’m horrible at email communication, but the 140 characters of Twitter seem to suit my attention span just fine. I’m also on Facebook occasionally.

How often do you update your blog?

All things being equal I want to update every other day. All things, however, have not been equal and I have been lucky to have the time to update once a week. I’m getting ready to participate in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo, a celebration of National Blog Posting Month, by posting something every day, so hopefully that will get me back on track! I write this on Nov. 1— and by the time you read this, November will be over. Come see if I made my goal!

How valuable do you think are sex toy reviews to consumers?

[I post product reviews] once a month. I don’t want to do more than that. I want the reviews to be an asset to my blog — not the focus. Before I started doing reviews for EdenFantasys, I would buy products myself; use them and write about them — or talk about them on Twitter. I want my reviews to be very honest. I could never do the “this is the greatest product EVER” reviews. I want to tell the truth about the product — why or why it didn’t work for me; what worked and what didn’t. There are few perfect products, but what one person sees as a down fall, others might see as a benefit. When I started doing reviews for EdenFantasys, I made sure that I could just flat out say, “this product didn’t work for me. This is why.” One of the first products I reviewed for them — hated it. But I tried to be open and honest about why — and why it might work for someone else. And thankfully, Eden understands and lets me use my voice and my opinions.

What do you think it takes to be a good blogger?

You need to be a good storyteller. You also need to have the ability to stick to it despite writer’s block or other distractions. From there you can use your personal skills, experiences and knowledge to attract readers. Then it’s all about keeping them coming back for those stories by posting regularly. Technical skills are important as well, knowing how to manage a blog, embed code, increase visibility etc., but if your storytelling skills aren’t good, no amount of technical skills will make up for it.


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