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I am the world's greatest porn director

I am the world's greatest porn director

March 29, 2006
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Recently, having never operated a video camera before or called the shots on an adult production, I directed my first porn scene.

The purity of my vision and my lack of corruption by the forces of "Big Porn" allowed for my unchained intensity to shine through on a scene between Tee Real and the well-appointed pinup/fetish glambot Adrianna Nicole.

"What is my motivation?" Adrianna Nicole did not say.

"Your motivation is to be," I said.

"Who is my character?" Tee Real did not ask.

"Your character simply is," I said.

I was guest director for a scene in Barbed Wire Kiss, a Benny Profane film of a Ron Royster production for VCA. Barbed Wire Kiss features Benny's character in several incarnations. The scene I directed featured Tee Real as Black Benny. I was chosen to direct this interracial anal scene because I, too, am black.

When I walked on set, people cleared away from the craft services table. The makeup girls hid and wept softly. Adrianna showed me several selections of panties.

"I don't wear panties," I said.

"I meant for me," she said.

"You definitely shouldn't wear panties," I said, drunk with power and generic sugar-free energy drinks.

There was another scene being shot downstairs with the newly-minted Zak Sabbath (nee Zak Smith, he changed his name today, this blog makes it official) and Czech badass Dominica Leoni.

"Nazis are different in the United States than they are in Europe," he was saying.

It was important that the cast did not feel I was imposing my worldview on them. That is why, when Nicole asked me, "how many positions?" I replied, "as many as you like."

When Tee Real asked, "So how do you want me to get her head facing the other way?" I replied, "Go with your feelings."

The scene was shot in 45 minutes.

"That was the fastest shoot I've ever seen," said people familiar with the production.

"45 minutes is the longest one should spend doing anything," I replied.

I gathered the actors to me.

"Perhaps I will direct you," I told them. "Perhaps I will not direct you. That which is organic should be your goal."

"Where do you want me to put it?" Tee Real asked.

"Put it in her ass," I said.

"Yes, my ass," Adrianna said.

I asked Adrianna what her story was.

"I started by doing pinup stuff," she said. "My pinup name is Seven. But around last August I really started shooting scenes." Her last movie was Tits Ahoy 3.

I asked what the line was between doing pinup modeling and straight-up porn.

"The poverty line," she said.

I understand poverty the way I understand actors. Moral poverty.

Thanks to Octavio Arizala for the photos.


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