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Penile Implants

Penile Implants

July 31, 2009
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" Thanks to the magic of technology, dicks appear to be more monstrous than ever "

It's kind of like a horror movie. Invasion of the Implants. Penises in porn are getting noticeably smaller and decidedly more flaccid than they used to be... despite the many enhancers and enlargers now available to the vertically-challenged. I mean this metaphorically, of course. Thanks to the magic of technology, dicks appear to be more monstrous than ever, but it's an illusion; the boys attached to the rods have shrunk to the size of chickpeas. Real men are being filtered out, which is a shame since it is a known fact that a dick on a real man looks significantly more impressive than a dick on a wannabe man.

In business as in the movies, it's the same thing. Instead of men with brains and passion, able to walk, think and act for themselves, the industry is being taken over by pubescent vampires who believe that a reflection is the same thing as the object being reflected. These lovers of nothing literally do not have the conviction of their own lives, and exist only to acquire by stealth — or stealing — what others obtain honestly. They suck ideals as greedily as they do ideas from the marrow of those who actually idealize ideas, and build Potemkin companies in place of brick and mortar edifices that can withstand the shake and rattle of an economic downturn.

What I love best about these boneless wonders is not only the fact that they have no bones to speak of, but how they bitch and whine at the slightest disparagement of their bullshit business-models. Nothing is as amusing — in a sick way — as when they take to the boards like swarms of emasculated tsetse flies (picture that!) to defend the indefensible. Pre-checked cross-sales, for instance: Talk about a ball-less way to make a living!

I have immeasurably more respect for the lowliest street-hooker on the planet than I do for the parasites who trick their way into solvency by hoodwinking people who are actually pulling out their cards online to spend with them — the same people who would snatch and swindle as much money from that card as they can get their filthy lousy hands on. Who would do such a thing and then actually have the gall to defend the practice in public as reasonable? Because scammers in the mainstream do it? Because, if you don't do it someone else will? These are excuses? They're actually confessions.

Unfortunately, this is the level to which we have sunk, but the picture gets even worse. The very institutions within the industry that are positioned to do, or at least say, something about the descent into petty corruption, are fatally silent and in many cases complicit with a behavioral trend that is bringing the industry to its knees. It's nothing short of scandalous, but even that is exaggerating the potency of the bleating sheep who now aspire to porn mogul status. Nothing but little boys with wet dreams, if you ask me: Sullen scavengers of the soul, and not what the industry needs as it struggles to once again find itself.

If this is its future, anyone with a modicum of guts has got to be depressed. I like to think that in its heyday, the industry was populated by people who actually could look you in the face, who stood behind their decisions and who actually believed in something, even if it was a perverted something. Perversion, after all, is the antithesis of skullduggery.

Sometimes I feel like Travis Bickle driving my cab through the scum-soaked streets of the city.


OPINIONS & VIEWS

The Role of E-Commerce in the Pleasure Product Sector

One of the more obvious impacts of the Internet is the way in which it globalized so many things that used to be thought of as entirely local phenomenon. In the old days, if an American wanted to buy a... More »

The Great Porn Dichotomy

It was a truly bizarre conversation, the sort that I definitely never imagined that I’d ever have back when I was studying astronomy in college. It was the fall of 1997, and I was sitting in a meeting... More »

Revenge Porn: Is a Federal Criminal Ban Imminent?

According the National Conference of State Legislatures, “revenge porn” is defined as “the posting of nude or sexually explicit photographs or videos of people online without their consent,... More »
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