Home > Features > How I Saved Digital Playground • Bookmark   • Newsletters   • Register Search Options

FEATURE

How I Saved Digital Playground

How I Saved Digital Playground

September 2, 2005
Text size: 
Get XBIZ News
XBIZ Research
Will virtual reality boost the paysite market?
Yes, it will soon
  39.66%
Yes, but in a few years
  36.87%
No
  23.46%
Out of 179 votes. Results based on votes submitted by members of XBIZ.net social network.
When I received a DVD copy of the Pirates trailer several weeks ago, along with a cash donation to my favorite charity (Spay the Whales), I was hesitant about giving it any coverage. "Surely, word of mouth will give this project the exposure it needs," I thought, reflecting on a 30-year career in adult entertainment that began with my participation in the infamous "Petting Zoo" of the 1975 World's Fair in Vienna.

"Surely publicity will only cheapen it."

Digital Playground publicist Anal Load Lee arrived at my home, sobbing, three nights ago. "Test audiences are confusing the trailer with (Michael Ninn's) Catherine and (Nic Andrews') Dark Angels 2," she cried, burying her check in my wallet. "The market is saturated with high budget couples' films."

"Take it easy, baby," I said absently. "Daddy will think of something."

"It has over 300 special effects shots," she offered.

"And yet, though male characters have more lines in the trailer," I noted, "none of them gets any billing. You say you are the filmmaker's company, but you would get nowhere with my drum circle."

"Jesse Jane was almost devoured by a shark during filming," she said.

"You would have partially recouped your investment," I said, "as there are parts the shark couldn't have digested."

"We have skeletons!" she wept.

There it was. Pirates has skeletons in it. I looked at the trailer again. The entire stable of Bad Ass Models and Max Hardcore Productions were cavorting in nothing but their bones. I took Anal Load Lee's face in my hands.

"Today's audiences don't like to see actual skeletons," I said. "Go back to your editing suites and create digital skeletons. I am confident Cousin Nick P. is good for something other than portraying ethnic stereotypes. You will take a hit on the budget, but I'm sure Adam & Eve is good for the difference."

"Thank you, Gram," she said. She went through my house and gently woke up Jesse Jane, Teagan Presley, Sophia Santi, Rocki Roads, Tera Patrick, Janine, Devon, Jana Cova and, for some reason, Malou, who had all fallen asleep on my plush couches after their pillow fight.

Pirates will be released this month.


EDUCATIONAL FEATURES

Cam World: Camming and Toys Go Hand in Hand

There is nothing more satisfying than pleasure, especially if it is sexual. The size or the presentation of the stimulus does not matter if the sensations and tension the body receives transform the way... More »

Cam World: Injecting Personality Into Your Room

Since the last issue of Cam World, I’ve made some significant life changes. I’m working from Colombia now. This was a decision that was not entered into lightly, but change gives you a chance... More »

Fraudulent Brazilian Trademark Registrations Running Rampant

Although you might not think often about protecting your trademark rights in Brazil, you need to — even if you don’t yet have a single Brazilian customer. Scammers are constantly looking for... More »
XBIZ NEWSLETTERS
Stay informed of the latest industry developments. Get XBIZ newsletters delivered to your inbox. Subscribe today!
Enter email address:

* To manage existing subscriptions click here.






POPULAR PRODUCTS & SERVICES
Submit your press release to
multiple news outlets with 1 click.
Subscribe to RSS news feeds or
add free content to your website.
Access XBIZ news and articles
with your mobile device.
Subscribe to XBIZ World magazine, the industry's leading e-commerce trade publication, delivering in-depth coverage of the online, mobile and ancillary digital markets.

UPCOMING EVENTS

EXXXOTICA Denver

Mar 31 - Apr 02
Denver, CO.

Eurowebtainment 2017

May 17 - May 20
Majorca, Spain

XBIZ Retreat

May 30 - Jun 03
Miami, Florida

XBIZ Miami 2017

May 30 - Jun 02
Miami, Florida
Everyday thousands of business professionals browse XBIZ's industry directory for quality products and services. Not listed yet? Your company could be losing potential new business. Submit your company today!
Use XBIZ RSS feeds to stay informed of the latest industry developments or as a content syndication tool for your website!