Monarchy Offers Duke Basketball Team Consolation Prize

LOS ANGELES — The No. 14-seeded Mercer Bears on Friday shocked the No. 3-seeded Duke Blue Devils in the first round of the NCAA Tournament in Raleigh, N.C., sending the perennial college hoops juggernaut home with a 78-71 defeat.

In the wake of the upset, Monarchy Distribution owner Mike Kulich is offering the team a consolation prize.

"We are concerned about Duke's basketball team," Kulich said. "The guys are heading home so early in the tournament and have to watch other teams stealing their glory is difficult, but what's even more upsetting is since they lost they won't be getting Belle Knox's new pocket pussy!

"We love March Madness and we didn't want to see the boys leave the tournament empty-handed. It is the least we could do for the Blue Devils."

Kulich said that "every team member from Coach K and the starting five down to the waterboy will receive a gift basket including 25 brand new DVD's, a six-month supply of lube, and yes, a pocket pussy."