opinion

Brooklyn Attacks

Gram Ponante
GramPonante.com Inner Darkness Advisor Brooklyn has signed an exclusive pact with Bad Ass Models. Originally I reported, erroneously, that she had signed with Badass Models, thinking that "Badass" was a term of respect and "Bad Ass" was something you got after Discount Nite at Taco Bell. I was wrong.

Brooklyn was born in Los Angeles and raised in Orange County.

"I'm a very sexual person," she said. Prior to sticking her big toe into the porn pool at the behest of her friend Avy Lee Roth last year, Brooklyn worked as a dancer at Hollywood hair-metal establishment Club Vodka.

"I'm not going to tell you the names I used, because someone might still have one of them and be embarrassed," she said.

Here are some of the names I would like to think Brooklyn once used:

Bilbo

Solstyce

Schultzie

Mother Abigail

Nyarlathothep

Mrs. Ponante

Vyxyn

Rhoda Morganstern

Kofi Annan

Zankou

Twinkles

"I'm a very confident person," Brooklyn said. " When I walk into a room, I dominate the conversation."

"So why sign on with a manager?"

"I need someone to keep me organized. I also need someone who's real. {Bad Ass) Frank is real, as is Mofo from MofoWear."

"What does it say about our industry that the two most trustworthy guys are named Bad Ass and Motherfucker?"

"But I can call up Frank with a request and we'll end up just talking for hours," she said.

"You sure it's not Bill Margold?"

Brooklyn has been working a lot, but doesn't want to be the type of porner who works every day and loses her "mystery." She will be shooting a scene for Bad Ass Frank's first project, tentatively titled A.S.S., then heading to the Branson to Porn Valley's Nashville, Florida, to work for some Internet folks, then going to Internext, then traveling north to New York City to shoot with BurningAngel.com and to see her boyfriend's band, Smite, play.

"I'd also like to live at the beach and scream my head off all day with my friends," she said, "but there's no time for that now."

Brooklyn spends time with her parents, who love her, with her three-year-old daughter, who loves her, and with her boyfriend, of Smite fame, who loves her.

"My daughter is very honest," she said. "I would like to take what she says, put in on a microchip, and stick it in the back of people's heads."

Brooklyn's website, BrooklynAttacks.com, is only parked right now, but should be opening soon.

"When I get through with this business, I want to look back on it like a plump, vivacious career and take a bite of it like a million-dollar steak."

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