opinion

Barbecue Sex Freak

Gram Ponante
When asked his five-year-plan for adult industry domination, porn visionary Gram Ponante paused, his salad fork pronged through with wholesome, corn-fed starlets at his Malibu beach/ranch, executed a breath of fire™, and said:

"Big black asses."

That is why today GramPonante.com introduces you to Vicki Nicole. "Peep inside my brain," says the plus-sized dynamo on her website, The Vicki Nicole Show. The September, 2005 cover model of Big Black Butt magazine (I guess I should have figured there would be a magazine along with the zeppelin, island, and cruise line) offers pictures from her childhood, a mambership area, and an e-shoppe where fans can order anything from a dinner date to two pairs of worn panties.

"You go, girl!" Ponante said from atop a worn pair of panties, looking out to sea.

Nicole began work with the adult industry as Kendra Jade's webmistress but is now trying to make her own name in a business dominated by Size 2 women. "I realize it’s an uphill battle but I’m the perfect BBW sex freak to take on the challenge,” Nicole said.

Nicole would like to work with GramPonante.com spiritual advisor Nick Manning.

Ponante, putting the finishing touches on his casino in space, called Nicole a dear friend.

"Myself, I'm a BBQ sex freak," he said, eating trendy space food with Our Lord Jesus Christ.

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